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Ashraf ALDeeb Translation
ashrafdeeb@hotmail.com

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Sir?

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There's trouble on Earth.

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DEEP VOICE: So what else is new?

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MAN: But this time, we
might be able to help.

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Take a look.

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See that couple down there?

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DEEP VOICE: Oh, yes.

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Nice people.

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Let's send an angel to help.

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MAN: But sir, the only one
available is Gabriel,

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and you took his wings away after the mess

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he caused last time.

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DEEP VOICE: Well, send him down and maybe

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he'll earn his wings back.

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MAN: But you know what
kind of chaos he'll cause.

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DEEP VOICE: Solving this kind
of problem is never easy.

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You know what they say.

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If you want to make an omelet,
you have to crack some eggs.

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[CLUCKING]

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[CHICKEN SHOUTING AND GROANING]

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NARRATOR: This is the story of a
couple, Bill Andrews and Carol

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Griffiths, who have come to family court,

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like so many other couples today,

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to settle their problems in a
mature and peaceful fashion.

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[GROANING]

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Let go of me!

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I hate him!

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You stupid lying bitch!

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[SCREAMING]

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Order!

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Quiet!

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Order!

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Be seated!

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Another outburst like this,
and I'll clear the court.

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Let's go Carol.

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Carol, hey, hey, hey!

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Now, I can understand the explosive nature

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of a palimony case.

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I mean, when a couple has lived
together for three years

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or so, as you, Bill Andrews,
and you, Carol Griffiths,

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have and have not gotten married, dividing

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the property in a just and equitable manner

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can be quite difficult. So you
decide to sue each other-- not

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for alimony but for palimony.

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Yes, palimony.

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That's a word these days that
is found on everybody's lips.

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BILL (VOICEOVER): Look at her, so smug.

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What did I ever see in that witch?

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[CACKLING]

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CAROL (VOICEOVER): How could I
ever have loved that monster?

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[SNARLING]

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BILL (VOICEOVER): That bitch.

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CAROL (VOICEOVER): That turd.

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In view of the turmoil
that this case is causing

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and the new legal territories
which must be explored,

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I would like to meet with the complainants

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privately in my chambers.

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This court is adjourned.

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Mr. Andrews and Miss Griffiths, would

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you mind if a couple of my associates

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sat in on our little talk?

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I'd like you to meet a
couple of people that have

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the same problems you have.

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This is Cindy, and this is Bud.

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Cindy, Bud, you know Bill and Carol?

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Do you like them?

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I think she's pretty.

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Can I go back in my drawer now?

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Bud!

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Would you mind telling us a
little about yourselves?

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Oh, god.

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Not this again.

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I'm an associate with the
legal firm of Crum and Scrum.

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I received my masters in psychology,

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and I coordinate the firm's
dealings in investment banking.

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Hey, Carol?

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Hm?

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Nice tits.

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[GROAN]

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I have a fine job with a great
deal of responsibility.

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Besides being an inventor for
several patented techniques

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to make chickens lay more eggs, I'm

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a highly respected expert at the
delicate task of egg handling.

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Oh, baby, don't look!

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Andrews!

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You are a shithead!

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[MUSIC PLAYING]

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BILL (VOICEOVER): I remember
perfectly how Carol and I met.

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It was on a Tuesday.

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CAROL (VOICEOVER): It was a Thursday, Bill.

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BILL (VOICEOVER): I got a
call to deliver a truckload

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of fryer chickens to the
law firm where she works,

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Curm and Scurm.

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CAROL (VOICEOVER): Crum and Scrum.

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[PHONE RINGING]

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I have an order here for 20 fryer chickens

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to be delivered by noon today
to Crum and Scrum attorney.

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I don't care what your order says.

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I ordered fried chicken not live chicken.

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Now, I have 30 people coming
today for a board of directors

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meeting that I have to feed.

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Now, just get them out.

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Look, lady, I'll be glad
to take them with me,

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but this is a COD.

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I can't leave without the money.

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So if you'll give me
$72.37 and just sign here,

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we'll all be on our way.

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I don't even know what fryer chickens are.

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Now, just get them out
before they make a mess.

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Ooh, look.

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It's starting to mate.

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BILL: Look, lady, that's what chickens do!

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[SCREAMING]

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Please!

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Somebody get him off me!

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[MUSIC - CAPTAIN AND TENILLE,
"LOVE WILL KEEP US TOGETHER"]

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To us.

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We didn't care about
getting married because--

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We really thought we loved each other, so--

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We decided to move in together, and--

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Boy, did we make a mistake.

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Bill, Carol-- [BELCH]-- palimony

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is a concept that lawyers have dreamed

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up when business is slow.

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I mean, I've been around a long time,

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and this is a problem of relationships.

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Whether you call it palimony
or separation or divorce

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or separation and palimony
and divorce or-- it's

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all the same thing.

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Your problems are the same
problems that have faced us

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since the dawn of time.

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Surely the cave-woman must
have suffered at the hands

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of lust-hungry caveman.

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I mean, her supple frame abused,
her melon-heavy breasts heaving

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in sensuous delight, her
lust-hardened nipples like two

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fire-red bullets, twisted and
bitten and making hot monkey

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love in the steaming swamps and
all the animals watching--

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that tiny little possum and a
beaver and the little ducks

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and all the friends of Mister Goat

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and the chickens were just--

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You get the general idea.

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I mean, try to imagine what it was like.

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GABRIEL (VOICEOVER): This is the time

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when man distinguished
himself from the animals

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by walking erect.

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[BOING]

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Hey, Joe, Harry, Melvin-- incredible!

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Take a look at this thing!

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How did that happen?

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GABRIEL (VOICEOVER):
Cavemen quickly learned

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to take matters in hand.

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Bronto, I'm having a little
get-together on Friday,

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and you must attend.

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Sure, Rock.

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We're going to have pterodactyl
burgers, the works.

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Great.

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Who you taking?

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The same guy I saw you with
at the tribal sacrifice?

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No. Tyrannosaurus.

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-Rex? -Oh, is he Australopithecus?

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Oh, no, no. He's Peking.

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Oh, Peking.

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I dated one when I first
came out of the cave.

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It nearly ruined me.

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GABRIEL (VOICEOVER): As man
became more civilized,

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he recognized that his woman also

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had needs and finally gave her
the satisfaction she craved.

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Do it to me!

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Do it to me!

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GABRIEL (VOICEOVER):
This kind of cooperation

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led to great inventions, such as the wheel!

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[GRUNTING]

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GABRIEL (VOICEOVER): The wheel, by itself,

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proved to be a hard nut to crack.

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So to prevent further mishap, they

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connected the wheel to an axle.

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[COMMUNICATING IN GRUNTING]

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[MOANING]

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GABRIEL (VOICEOVER): And
then they invented fire.

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Oh, your honor, you're such a romantic.

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But our relationship is beyond repair.

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You mean to tell me that
there were no good times?

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Well, maybe when we first
shared a house together.

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I couldn't keep my hands off her.

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[MUSIC - CAPTAIN AND TENILLE,
"LOVE WILL KEEP US TOGETHER"]

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[RHYTHMIC DANCE MUSIC]

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[CORK POPPING]

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[EROTIC MUSIC]

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So what happened after that?

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My wife taught me how to do this.

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All he ever did was work on
those stupid inventions of his.

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Oh, I got news for you, sweetheart.

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I was working so hard for you.

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If those inventions had ever made it,

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we'd have made $1 million.

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Oh, Bill, you were working for yourself

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and your precious mother.

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Oh, get off my back about my mother.

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What has she ever done to you?

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Quiet!

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I can't hear the blender!

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It's that you never stood up to her.

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00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,980
Well, at least my mother
knows how to treat a man.

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And you'll never be half
the man your mother is.

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I feel so humiliated.

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00:17:25,980 --> 00:17:28,750
Bill, do I really have to?

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Please, Carol.

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00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:33,080
CAROL (VOICEOVER): Bill was so
terrified of his mother that he

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00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:35,160
made me dress up like a Spanish maid

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00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,160
when she came to visit so she wouldn't

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know we were living together.

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Just this once?

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00:17:40,730 --> 00:17:42,160
[DOORBELL]

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00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:43,580
[KNOCKING]

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00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:48,210
I am Mrs. Andrews.

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00:17:48,210 --> 00:17:49,860
Hello, Billy.

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00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:50,730
Hi, Mom.

219
00:17:50,730 --> 00:17:53,690
You can take your orders
directly from me now.

220
00:17:53,690 --> 00:17:54,780
When's dinner?

221
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I'm hungry.

222
00:17:56,730 --> 00:17:58,190
Get those bags in here.

223
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,780
Why don't you just tell her
we're living together?

224
00:18:03,780 --> 00:18:05,470
It would kill her.

225
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She's so frail.

226
00:18:07,490 --> 00:18:08,880
[BLOWING NOSE]

227
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:13,600
Oh, the place looks so much better

228
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:14,830
now that you've got the maid.

229
00:18:14,830 --> 00:18:18,570
You must be doing very well.

230
00:18:18,570 --> 00:18:22,080
Oh, by the way, I know this will
come as a great disappointment,

231
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:25,680
but I can only stay three weeks this time.

232
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,110
[DISHES BREAKING]

233
00:18:27,110 --> 00:18:28,840
Uh, yes.

234
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:31,860
Uh, Mom.

235
00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:36,410
There's, uh-- there's
something I want to tell you.

236
00:18:36,410 --> 00:18:40,380
Uh, do you speak English?

237
00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:41,990
You should serve from the left.

238
00:18:48,570 --> 00:18:51,890
Could you ask the maid for some milk?

239
00:18:51,890 --> 00:18:52,690
Carmelita?

240
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:01,770
Could we have some milk for my mother?

241
00:19:01,770 --> 00:19:02,570
Milk?

242
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:08,240
Oh, el milk-o.

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And warm it up, par fa-vor.

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00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:16,960
I want to show you my tombstone.

245
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:20,370
I got a few samples right here.

246
00:19:20,370 --> 00:19:22,380
Oh.

247
00:19:22,380 --> 00:19:23,940
Here's my favorite.

248
00:19:23,940 --> 00:19:25,170
Mommy.

249
00:19:25,170 --> 00:19:27,920
You don't think the color
is too loud, do you?

250
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:28,720
Mom!

251
00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:36,340
I need an epitaph-- something
short, like Louise Andrews

252
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died without grandchildren.

253
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:44,980
Mother, listen to me.

254
00:19:44,980 --> 00:19:49,950
Carmelita is not the maid.

255
00:19:49,950 --> 00:19:53,090
Her name is Carol, and she lives with me.

256
00:19:53,090 --> 00:19:56,080
And we're not getting married.

257
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,790
Oh!

258
00:19:57,790 --> 00:19:59,740
Oh, the palpitations!

259
00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:01,200
Oh, my heart!

260
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,210
Oh, living with a servant!

261
00:20:03,210 --> 00:20:04,640
She's pregnant!

262
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,150
That's it, isn't it?

263
00:20:06,150 --> 00:20:07,610
She must be pregnant.

264
00:20:07,610 --> 00:20:09,060
No, that's not it.

265
00:20:09,060 --> 00:20:12,290
And this will calm those palpitations!

266
00:20:12,290 --> 00:20:15,140
No!

267
00:20:15,140 --> 00:20:16,090
Carol!

268
00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:17,060
[SCREAMING]

269
00:20:17,060 --> 00:20:19,310
CAROL (VOICEOVER): I showed her.

270
00:20:19,310 --> 00:20:23,370
After that, she only stayed for two weeks.

271
00:20:23,370 --> 00:20:24,640
The way you talk, you'd think you

272
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:27,350
were the first man and woman
on the face of this Earth.

273
00:20:27,350 --> 00:20:29,460
Would it shock you to
know that Adam and Eve

274
00:20:29,460 --> 00:20:31,860
had the same problems you have?

275
00:20:31,860 --> 00:20:33,610
And they didn't even have contoured sheets.

276
00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:42,240
Eve really got Adam into trouble.

277
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:47,070
And it all began when they
met at that singles' bar.

278
00:20:47,070 --> 00:20:49,150
GABRIEL (VOICEOVER): Until Eve
came along, that singles'

279
00:20:49,150 --> 00:20:50,950
bar was no Garden of Eden.

280
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:53,290
It was a real zoo.

281
00:20:53,290 --> 00:20:54,700
[ANIMAL NOISES]

282
00:20:55,860 --> 00:20:57,230
GABRIEL (VOICEOVER): And if you're human,

283
00:20:57,230 --> 00:20:59,570
it's pretty tough to get laid in a zoo.

284
00:20:59,570 --> 00:21:02,050
[MUSIC PLAYING]

285
00:21:19,810 --> 00:21:22,500
Buy you a drink?

286
00:21:22,500 --> 00:21:24,360
Baa!

287
00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:26,220
Beat it, shorty.

288
00:21:26,220 --> 00:21:27,420
She's with me.

289
00:21:27,420 --> 00:21:28,220
Yes, sir.

290
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,360
Come with me to the [INAUDIBLE], baby!

291
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:53,140
I'm so lonely here.

292
00:21:53,140 --> 00:21:56,030
I'm such a miserable creature.

293
00:21:56,030 --> 00:21:57,780
Look at the winged fowl and the things

294
00:21:57,780 --> 00:22:01,280
that creepeth upon the
earth having a party,

295
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,460
making all that noise.

296
00:22:03,460 --> 00:22:08,420
If only God would make me
a mate-- something soft,

297
00:22:08,420 --> 00:22:13,200
something warm, something
more in my own image.

298
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,210
DEEP VOICE: Something in your own image,

299
00:22:15,210 --> 00:22:17,910
but warmer, softer, rounder?

300
00:22:17,910 --> 00:22:18,710
You got it.

301
00:22:22,710 --> 00:22:25,430
Hm, not bad on such short notice.

302
00:22:25,430 --> 00:22:29,030
I think I'll call it woman.

303
00:22:29,030 --> 00:22:30,800
I think you missed the point!

304
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:33,470
DEEP VOICE: You prefer blondes?

305
00:22:33,470 --> 00:22:34,270
Fine.

306
00:22:37,250 --> 00:22:38,740
A mate!

307
00:22:38,740 --> 00:22:42,220
God has given me a mate.

308
00:22:42,220 --> 00:22:45,040
My name's Adam, the creature that walk-eth.

309
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:46,460
I'm Eve.

310
00:22:46,460 --> 00:22:48,670
What do you say we blow this joint?

311
00:22:48,670 --> 00:22:49,470
I guess.

312
00:22:49,470 --> 00:22:51,380
People in here are such animals anyway.

313
00:22:55,010 --> 00:22:57,940
DEEP VOICE: Adam, go forth with Eve.

314
00:22:57,940 --> 00:23:01,860
Be fruitful and multiply.

315
00:23:01,860 --> 00:23:03,710
Is this fruitful enough?

316
00:23:03,710 --> 00:23:05,100
I don't know.

317
00:23:05,100 --> 00:23:08,350
How much is 11 times a pig?

318
00:23:08,350 --> 00:23:10,340
DEEP VOICE: Wrong.

319
00:23:10,340 --> 00:23:13,830
You are to fill the Earth with people.

320
00:23:13,830 --> 00:23:18,700
Look, if you're confused, follow
the example of the rabbits.

321
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:23,290
The best.

322
00:23:23,290 --> 00:23:25,450
The best.

323
00:23:25,450 --> 00:23:28,610
I'm the best.

324
00:23:28,610 --> 00:23:29,820
I'm going.

325
00:23:29,820 --> 00:23:30,620
I'm going.

326
00:23:33,530 --> 00:23:36,520
Oh!

327
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:38,010
[SNORING]

328
00:23:38,010 --> 00:23:42,500
DEEP VOICE: Adam, you'd
make a lousy rabbit.

329
00:23:42,500 --> 00:23:44,870
So, do you smoke after sex?

330
00:23:44,870 --> 00:23:47,420
Gee, I don't know.

331
00:23:47,420 --> 00:23:49,360
I never looked.

332
00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:50,690
[PHONE RINGING]

333
00:23:50,690 --> 00:23:51,780
Hello, Stella?

334
00:23:51,780 --> 00:23:52,740
Hold all my calls.

335
00:23:52,740 --> 00:23:54,030
I can't be interrupted.

336
00:23:54,030 --> 00:23:55,390
What do you mean nobody called?

337
00:23:55,390 --> 00:23:57,360
Well, if you can't hold
my calls, hold my balls.

338
00:23:57,360 --> 00:23:58,330
Everybody else does.

339
00:23:58,330 --> 00:23:59,320
[KNOCKING]

340
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:00,350
Where are you going with that?

341
00:24:00,350 --> 00:24:02,570
You told me to file these briefs.

342
00:24:02,570 --> 00:24:04,030
What do you want?

343
00:24:04,030 --> 00:24:07,110
We're taking this suit to a higher court.

344
00:24:07,110 --> 00:24:08,220
[CHUCKLING]

345
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:11,290
Everybody's a comedian around here.

346
00:24:11,290 --> 00:24:14,830
I'm looking for Judge [INAUDIBLE].

347
00:24:14,830 --> 00:24:16,490
You want small claims court.

348
00:24:16,490 --> 00:24:18,040
He's three doors down.

349
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:19,980
Sorry.

350
00:24:19,980 --> 00:24:22,090
What about your social life?

351
00:24:22,090 --> 00:24:24,870
Well, we didn't like to party much.

352
00:24:24,870 --> 00:24:27,910
We preferred to stay in our
quiet little neighborhood

353
00:24:27,910 --> 00:24:30,130
and have philosophical discussions.

354
00:24:30,130 --> 00:24:35,950
Like for instance, the social
significance of the 1960s.

355
00:24:35,950 --> 00:24:37,810
Wow.

356
00:24:37,810 --> 00:24:40,640
Look at my hand.

357
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,360
People were so aware.

358
00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:46,400
People were so free.

359
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:47,940
Dope was so cheap.

360
00:24:50,690 --> 00:24:52,010
Oh, are you dry yet?

361
00:24:52,010 --> 00:24:52,810
Yeah.

362
00:24:52,810 --> 00:24:53,850
Lay down.

363
00:24:53,850 --> 00:24:55,560
I'm not finished.

364
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:58,450
I just want to try something
here with a little bit

365
00:24:58,450 --> 00:25:03,290
of everything we have got.

366
00:25:03,290 --> 00:25:04,940
No pastels.

367
00:25:04,940 --> 00:25:09,380
Oh, baby, this is going to be
the best damn body painting

368
00:25:09,380 --> 00:25:12,620
I have ever done in my life.

369
00:25:12,620 --> 00:25:15,990
I know that this will work like nothing,

370
00:25:15,990 --> 00:25:17,460
nothing you can imagine.

371
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:22,060
It's perfect.

372
00:25:22,060 --> 00:25:23,020
Just a little--

373
00:25:28,790 --> 00:25:29,760
This is art.

374
00:25:33,630 --> 00:25:36,150
Oh, hold me.

375
00:25:36,150 --> 00:25:38,910
I feel so close to you.

376
00:25:38,910 --> 00:25:41,510
If we squeeze hard enough, we could fuse

377
00:25:41,510 --> 00:25:43,430
our bodies together into one.

378
00:25:43,430 --> 00:25:46,270
Yes, yes.

379
00:25:46,270 --> 00:25:48,680
Oh, this is great.

380
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,510
Why'd they ever stop body painting?

381
00:25:50,510 --> 00:25:52,780
I don't know.

382
00:25:52,780 --> 00:25:54,850
Nixon, I think.

383
00:25:54,850 --> 00:25:56,740
[PHONE RINGING]

384
00:25:59,580 --> 00:26:02,530
Why does it always have to happen--

385
00:26:02,530 --> 00:26:03,920
[GRUNTING]

386
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:04,990
[CHUCKLING]

387
00:26:05,790 --> 00:26:06,780
Carol, will you cut it out?

388
00:26:06,780 --> 00:26:08,210
I've got to answer the phone.

389
00:26:15,330 --> 00:26:16,830
Super glue?

390
00:26:16,830 --> 00:26:19,050
Oh, shit.

391
00:26:19,050 --> 00:26:20,440
We've got to get up. Ready?

392
00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:21,240
I'm ready.

393
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:22,640
One-- don't laugh.

394
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:25,090
One, two--

395
00:26:25,090 --> 00:26:26,450
[SCREAMING]

396
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:29,540
Are you all right?

397
00:26:29,540 --> 00:26:31,020
Yeah.

398
00:26:31,020 --> 00:26:33,860
You'll simply adore this neighborhood.

399
00:26:33,860 --> 00:26:36,540
It is so lovely, and the people are lovely,

400
00:26:36,540 --> 00:26:37,860
and you'll fit right in.

401
00:26:37,860 --> 00:26:40,760
And it is so quiet.

402
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:42,740
[LOUD CRASH]

403
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:49,320
Look, if we'd have gone to the garage

404
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:51,340
and gotten the turpentine like
I suggested, none of this

405
00:26:51,340 --> 00:26:52,160
would have happened.

406
00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:54,090
Oh, perfect time for you
to go to the bathroom.

407
00:26:54,090 --> 00:26:55,930
Well, I told you I was
reaching for the john.

408
00:26:55,930 --> 00:26:58,420
Oh, blame it on me.

409
00:26:58,420 --> 00:26:59,420
Sh.

410
00:26:59,420 --> 00:27:00,910
Look.

411
00:27:00,910 --> 00:27:02,300
Just act natural.

412
00:27:02,300 --> 00:27:04,010
Right.

413
00:27:04,010 --> 00:27:04,810
How do?

414
00:27:04,810 --> 00:27:05,610
Hi.

415
00:27:08,670 --> 00:27:09,750
Come on, Carol.

416
00:27:09,750 --> 00:27:12,320
It's only another two and a
half miles to the hospital.

417
00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:14,040
Hang in.

418
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:18,450
Look, Mabel, she uses the same
brand tampon that you do.

419
00:27:18,450 --> 00:27:21,370
Then, remember at the
hospital when the nurse asked

420
00:27:21,370 --> 00:27:23,490
us if we wanted to split up?

421
00:27:23,490 --> 00:27:25,480
[CHUCKLING]

422
00:27:28,470 --> 00:27:30,960
[SNORING]

423
00:27:33,950 --> 00:27:35,830
Germans!

424
00:27:35,830 --> 00:27:36,780
Corporal, Germans!

425
00:27:36,780 --> 00:27:38,630
I don't think I can hold them off.

426
00:27:38,630 --> 00:27:40,480
Germans.

427
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:41,850
Sorry.

428
00:27:41,850 --> 00:27:43,740
Old war wound.

429
00:27:43,740 --> 00:27:44,800
Korea.

430
00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:46,520
You were in Korea?

431
00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:48,300
Yeah, I bought this suit there.

432
00:27:48,300 --> 00:27:49,190
Like it?

433
00:27:49,190 --> 00:27:51,460
You see, I met this Korean bimbo-- you

434
00:27:51,460 --> 00:27:52,790
don't want to hear about that.

435
00:27:52,790 --> 00:27:54,370
I got this rash here.

436
00:27:54,370 --> 00:27:55,830
Do you know anything about rashes, Carol?

437
00:27:55,830 --> 00:27:58,200
Your honor, I think we're
here to talk about us.

438
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:01,250
Actually, there's something
I meant to ask you kids.

439
00:28:01,250 --> 00:28:03,100
Did you ever think about getting married?

440
00:28:03,100 --> 00:28:07,720
Actually, Bill and I talked
about getting married.

441
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,800
But his answer was always the same.

442
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:11,610
No!

443
00:28:11,610 --> 00:28:13,650
No!

444
00:28:13,650 --> 00:28:15,280
No!

445
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:16,080
No!

446
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:19,110
I always used to dream about my wedding.

447
00:28:19,110 --> 00:28:23,850
I knew exactly how I wanted it
to be, down to the last detail.

448
00:28:23,850 --> 00:28:24,940
[DISCO MUSIC]

449
00:28:25,740 --> 00:28:29,310
CAROL (VOICEOVER): Since it
was just in my imagination,

450
00:28:29,310 --> 00:28:32,100
it was the most beautiful wedding ever.

451
00:28:38,500 --> 00:28:39,980
(RAPPING) I'm cool as a fool.

452
00:28:39,980 --> 00:28:41,040
I'm the best there is.

453
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:43,220
When I walk down the street,
nobody else exists.

454
00:28:43,220 --> 00:28:45,730
If I'm at a party, better get your lady,

455
00:28:45,730 --> 00:28:47,880
'cause it's for the women
that God did make me.

456
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:49,820
I float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.

457
00:28:49,820 --> 00:28:52,310
My wang, you rang, it's as big as a tree.

458
00:28:52,310 --> 00:28:54,620
No woman alive could ever make me

459
00:28:54,620 --> 00:28:57,220
drop, 'cause when I break them
open, you can hear them pop.

460
00:28:57,220 --> 00:28:59,220
They say he's cool.

461
00:28:59,220 --> 00:29:01,700
There's nobody finer.

462
00:29:01,700 --> 00:29:06,120
He loves the women from here to China.

463
00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:10,060
[INAUDIBLE] walks away.

464
00:29:10,060 --> 00:29:11,040
Check that out, baby.

465
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:14,000
Nobody knows how he got this way.

466
00:29:23,340 --> 00:29:25,900
I was eating at the club
on a Saturday night

467
00:29:25,900 --> 00:29:27,400
when this lady left a
man and I had to fight.

468
00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:29,850
It was over in a second when I put

469
00:29:29,850 --> 00:29:31,280
the sucker out, and just for good measure

470
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:32,080
landed one on her jaw.

471
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:34,800
Eighty-sixed that place
with the cops on my tail,

472
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:36,960
I pulled out my revolver,
no way I'd go to jail.

473
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:39,120
We were screaming down the
street, shooting at the lights.

474
00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:43,220
Then I shot him in the engine
and I said, good night.

475
00:29:43,220 --> 00:29:45,450
BILL (VOICEOVER): So we didn't get married.

476
00:29:45,450 --> 00:29:47,880
We did have sort of a honeymoon.

477
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,960
I took Carol to a tranquil, secluded beach,

478
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:52,760
where we could discuss the more private

479
00:29:52,760 --> 00:29:55,180
parts of our relationship.

480
00:29:55,180 --> 00:29:57,900
Take your top off.

481
00:29:57,900 --> 00:29:58,870
Oh, god.

482
00:30:02,780 --> 00:30:04,860
I love being alone with you.

483
00:30:07,810 --> 00:30:12,740
It's so great to be away from the crowds.

484
00:30:12,740 --> 00:30:15,700
[SCREAMING]

485
00:30:17,670 --> 00:30:20,630
[BEACH MUSIC]

486
00:30:40,850 --> 00:30:42,390
Folks, used Kleenex!

487
00:30:42,390 --> 00:30:43,720
Freshly used Kleenex!

488
00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:44,680
How about you, lady.

489
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:46,270
You certainly could use some.

490
00:30:46,270 --> 00:30:47,070
No, thank you.

491
00:30:47,070 --> 00:30:48,770
I got my own supply.

492
00:30:48,770 --> 00:30:49,570
Oh, thank you.

493
00:30:49,570 --> 00:30:51,070
Used Kleenex, folks.

494
00:30:51,070 --> 00:30:52,070
Used Kleenex.

495
00:30:52,070 --> 00:30:53,510
Anyone want-- -Underpants!

496
00:30:53,510 --> 00:30:54,470
Underpants!

497
00:30:54,470 --> 00:30:55,910
I got all kinds of underpants!

498
00:30:55,910 --> 00:30:58,310
Hey, get your underpants!

499
00:30:58,310 --> 00:30:59,270
Yes, sir.

500
00:30:59,270 --> 00:31:00,710
Would you like a bag for that, sir?

501
00:31:00,710 --> 00:31:02,150
No, I'll eat them here.

502
00:31:02,150 --> 00:31:04,190
BILL (VOICEOVER): I can't speak for Carol,

503
00:31:04,190 --> 00:31:05,870
but I certainly didn't let the crowd make

504
00:31:05,870 --> 00:31:07,560
me forget why we were there.

505
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:10,950
Take your top off.

506
00:31:10,950 --> 00:31:12,400
What?

507
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:17,730
I said, take your top off!

508
00:31:17,730 --> 00:31:19,680
Thank you.

509
00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:20,660
Now, where were we?

510
00:31:20,660 --> 00:31:21,460
Oh, yes.

511
00:31:21,460 --> 00:31:24,030
I was sitting over where you are, Carol.

512
00:31:24,030 --> 00:31:26,750
Yeah, right here.

513
00:31:26,750 --> 00:31:28,360
You don't mind, do you?

514
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:29,900
Uh, Judge, about our vacation--

515
00:31:29,900 --> 00:31:31,420
Oh, yes, yes.

516
00:31:31,420 --> 00:31:33,060
About your vacation.

517
00:31:33,060 --> 00:31:36,530
Bill, Carol-- [BELCH]-- the way I see it,

518
00:31:36,530 --> 00:31:39,870
a shared vacation can be an
awful strain on an otherwise

519
00:31:39,870 --> 00:31:41,500
solid relationship.

520
00:31:41,500 --> 00:31:43,830
When Christopher Columbus came to America

521
00:31:43,830 --> 00:31:45,900
with Queen Isabella of Spain, they had

522
00:31:45,900 --> 00:31:48,130
the same problems as you have.

523
00:31:48,130 --> 00:31:50,390
As everyone knows, Columbus and his party

524
00:31:50,390 --> 00:31:54,700
traveled in three small ships--
the Santa Maria, the Nina,

525
00:31:54,700 --> 00:31:56,670
and for himself and his queen, the smaller,

526
00:31:56,670 --> 00:31:58,320
more comfortable Pinto.

527
00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:02,570
Christopher Columbus,
you've gotten us lost.

528
00:32:02,570 --> 00:32:05,830
All right, now, everybody keep
your eyes peeled, because we've

529
00:32:05,830 --> 00:32:07,170
got to make a left turn soon.

530
00:32:07,170 --> 00:32:08,850
Are you sure where we are?

531
00:32:08,850 --> 00:32:11,030
We're right on course.

532
00:32:11,030 --> 00:32:13,750
You always say that, and I say we're lost.

533
00:32:13,750 --> 00:32:14,550
No, no, no.

534
00:32:14,550 --> 00:32:17,000
We're not lost, Queenie, sweetheart.

535
00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:18,400
You know, I checked the globe here.

536
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:19,850
There's no problem.

537
00:32:19,850 --> 00:32:21,110
Are we there yet?

538
00:32:21,110 --> 00:32:23,110
No!

539
00:32:23,110 --> 00:32:24,610
Look, there it goes!

540
00:32:24,610 --> 00:32:25,560
It's that seagull!

541
00:32:28,220 --> 00:32:29,090
Shit.

542
00:32:29,090 --> 00:32:31,490
When are we gonna be there?

543
00:32:31,490 --> 00:32:33,590
Can we stop and get ice cream?

544
00:32:33,590 --> 00:32:34,810
Enrique's hitting me.

545
00:32:34,810 --> 00:32:35,830
I am not!

546
00:32:35,830 --> 00:32:36,630
You are.

547
00:32:36,630 --> 00:32:37,430
Captain?

548
00:32:37,430 --> 00:32:39,190
Hey, look, if you guys don't shut up,

549
00:32:39,190 --> 00:32:42,660
I'm gonna turn around and
cut off your goombas, eh?

550
00:32:42,660 --> 00:32:43,460
I want to play!

551
00:32:43,460 --> 00:32:45,160
I want to play!

552
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:46,620
Slow down!

553
00:32:46,620 --> 00:32:47,840
We're in a school crossing.

554
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:50,240
Look, I know what I'm doing.

555
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:51,570
School crossing, where?

556
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:58,290
Bunny has to go wee-wee.

557
00:32:58,290 --> 00:33:00,910
I want bunny to drive.

558
00:33:00,910 --> 00:33:04,150
Bunny has to go wee-wee.

559
00:33:04,150 --> 00:33:06,120
Just why can't the sailors
take care of that

560
00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:08,660
before they leave Spain?

561
00:33:08,660 --> 00:33:10,760
GABRIEL (VOICEOVER): The wind and the waves

562
00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:15,050
finally deposited Columbus on
the shores of the New World.

563
00:33:23,020 --> 00:33:25,020
If you'd only listened to me
and turned at Greenland like I

564
00:33:25,020 --> 00:33:26,250
told you in the first place, we would

565
00:33:26,250 --> 00:33:28,530
have been here months ago.

566
00:33:28,530 --> 00:33:29,680
There go our neighborhood.

567
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:30,480
Shit.

568
00:33:34,850 --> 00:33:37,470
GABRIEL (VOICEOVER): The New
World was fraught with danger,

569
00:33:37,470 --> 00:33:40,640
especially from the hostile red
man, who threatened Columbus

570
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:43,900
with great bodily harm.

571
00:33:43,900 --> 00:33:46,740
I can take you to Indian massage parlor.

572
00:33:46,740 --> 00:33:52,630
Pocahontas can apply buffalo
grease to sensitive areas.

573
00:33:52,630 --> 00:33:55,320
She also give-um good head dress.

574
00:34:03,130 --> 00:34:05,010
New in town, sailor boy?

575
00:34:05,010 --> 00:34:06,800
[TRUMPETS]

576
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:08,280
Hey, what's that?

577
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:09,360
A flourish of horn.

578
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:10,160
No, no, no, no.

579
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:11,500
That.

580
00:34:11,500 --> 00:34:14,230
Oh, they're Indian braves,
learning to hunt bear.

581
00:34:14,230 --> 00:34:15,160
Ouch!

582
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:16,090
Ouch!

583
00:34:16,090 --> 00:34:17,480
Ouch!

584
00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:20,490
Now, let's get back to business.

585
00:34:20,490 --> 00:34:23,900
So what'll it be, straight
massage, half and half,

586
00:34:23,900 --> 00:34:25,420
around the world?

587
00:34:25,420 --> 00:34:28,480
Hey, wait a minute, don't you
tell me about around the world,

588
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:29,560
OK, kid?

589
00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:32,820
So, this is what you do when I'm
away, Christopher Columbus.

590
00:34:32,820 --> 00:34:37,650
Uh-- I was just establishing
diplomatic relations.

591
00:34:37,650 --> 00:34:39,470
She's a princess.

592
00:34:39,470 --> 00:34:44,430
I'm gonna beat you into the 17th century.

593
00:34:44,430 --> 00:34:47,040
I'm gonna kick your ass so far, you'll have

594
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:50,610
to look for it in [INAUDIBLE].

595
00:34:50,610 --> 00:34:52,570
CAROL (VOICEOVER): Well, Judge Gabriel,

596
00:34:52,570 --> 00:34:55,170
it wasn't our vacation
that was the problem.

597
00:34:55,170 --> 00:34:57,600
After Bill and I came back from Miami,

598
00:34:57,600 --> 00:35:00,640
things were OK for a while.

599
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:03,760
Then I began to notice that he
had all these annoying little

600
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:04,560
habits.

601
00:35:05,490 --> 00:35:07,590
CAROL (VOICEOVER): I always
had trouble with him in bed.

602
00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:13,940
And his friends were even worse.

603
00:35:13,940 --> 00:35:15,920
Bill, why must you eat in bed?

604
00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:17,790
You're always making crumbs.

605
00:35:17,790 --> 00:35:19,070
Oh, Carol, come on.

606
00:35:19,070 --> 00:35:20,580
It's one little peanut.

607
00:35:20,580 --> 00:35:21,480
Oh, yeah.

608
00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:22,660
What about yesterday?

609
00:35:25,170 --> 00:35:25,970
Oh.

610
00:35:25,970 --> 00:35:28,480
I don't know why you're so uptight.

611
00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:30,680
Have you seen my turkey sandwich?

612
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:32,330
[SCREAMING]

613
00:35:33,130 --> 00:35:34,600
[SPLASHING]

614
00:35:35,580 --> 00:35:39,590
Bill, how many times have I asked you not

615
00:35:39,590 --> 00:35:42,830
to leave the toilet seat up?

616
00:35:42,830 --> 00:35:47,630
Carol, must you use my
razor on your armpits?

617
00:35:50,250 --> 00:35:52,700
[CLANGING SPOON]

618
00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:03,970
[CLEARING THROAT]

619
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:12,290
Are you going to be making
that racket for long?

620
00:36:12,290 --> 00:36:14,630
You know, I can hardly eat
with all that going on.

621
00:36:14,630 --> 00:36:15,620
Me?

622
00:36:15,620 --> 00:36:17,730
Did you ever listen to yourself eat?

623
00:36:17,730 --> 00:36:18,920
[SPITTING]

624
00:36:20,150 --> 00:36:22,100
What's wrong with the way I eat?

625
00:36:22,100 --> 00:36:22,950
It's disgusting.

626
00:36:22,950 --> 00:36:23,950
That's what.

627
00:36:23,950 --> 00:36:27,580
Some people like the way I eat.

628
00:36:27,580 --> 00:36:28,980
Name one person.

629
00:36:31,110 --> 00:36:31,910
Um--

630
00:36:34,860 --> 00:36:35,750
Face facts, Bill.

631
00:36:35,750 --> 00:36:38,170
You're very often an inconsiderate slob.

632
00:36:38,170 --> 00:36:40,050
I am not!

633
00:36:40,050 --> 00:36:43,660
I just enjoy my food, that's all.

634
00:36:43,660 --> 00:36:44,700
Hey, look.

635
00:36:44,700 --> 00:36:46,890
Three more box tops, and we
can get this flying saucer.

636
00:36:52,490 --> 00:36:54,310
BILL (VOICEOVER): So I
relaxed a little at home.

637
00:36:54,310 --> 00:36:57,120
When we went out, I was
always the perfect gentleman.

638
00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:59,810
Well, what about that employees' picnic?

639
00:36:59,810 --> 00:37:02,420
You felt so competitive
with everybody there,

640
00:37:02,420 --> 00:37:04,550
you made me feel like a
piece of your property.

641
00:37:04,550 --> 00:37:05,940
I know how you feel!

642
00:37:05,940 --> 00:37:07,620
What are you talking about?

643
00:37:07,620 --> 00:37:09,590
You only love me for my body.

644
00:37:09,590 --> 00:37:11,100
Oh, you're just being stupid.

645
00:37:11,100 --> 00:37:13,160
Don't call me stupid, butthead.

646
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:15,770
Don't call me butthead, stupid.

647
00:37:15,770 --> 00:37:18,260
That'll be enough.

648
00:37:18,260 --> 00:37:19,720
[GARGLING]

649
00:37:20,380 --> 00:37:21,180
Hurry up.

650
00:37:21,180 --> 00:37:23,070
We'll be late for my boss's picnic.

651
00:37:23,070 --> 00:37:27,350
I know exactly what I'm gonna wear.

652
00:37:27,350 --> 00:37:30,030
My new designer jeans.

653
00:37:30,030 --> 00:37:32,070
Great.

654
00:37:32,070 --> 00:37:35,800
The most sensible $150 I've ever spent.

655
00:37:41,350 --> 00:37:42,150
Dig these.

656
00:37:49,610 --> 00:37:51,700
Would you get me started with this?

657
00:37:51,700 --> 00:37:53,810
Sure.

658
00:37:53,810 --> 00:37:54,990
OK? Yeah?

659
00:37:54,990 --> 00:37:55,960
-Pull. -Ready?

660
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:56,880
Yep.

661
00:37:56,880 --> 00:37:57,680
OK.

662
00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:06,210
Boy, while you're getting
chic, I'm getting a hernia.

663
00:38:06,210 --> 00:38:07,360
OK, now ready?

664
00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:08,160
Yeah.

665
00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:10,120
OK, now--

666
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:11,870
Oh, Bill, that's much better.

667
00:38:11,870 --> 00:38:14,740
Oh, it's really working.

668
00:38:14,740 --> 00:38:15,780
Almost there, hon.

669
00:38:19,220 --> 00:38:20,020
OK.

670
00:38:20,020 --> 00:38:21,110
One more.

671
00:38:21,110 --> 00:38:22,240
OK. Ready?

672
00:38:22,240 --> 00:38:23,040
Yes.

673
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:23,860
This will do it now.

674
00:38:23,860 --> 00:38:24,660
Really go.

675
00:38:24,660 --> 00:38:27,030
One, two, three.

676
00:38:27,030 --> 00:38:28,800
[STRUGGLING]

677
00:38:30,850 --> 00:38:34,170
Oh, Bill, you're so good.

678
00:38:34,170 --> 00:38:36,270
Bill, you sure this is a good idea?

679
00:38:39,990 --> 00:38:41,450
Crank it up, Lou.

680
00:38:41,450 --> 00:38:42,910
Maximum lift.

681
00:38:48,740 --> 00:38:51,170
All right!

682
00:38:51,170 --> 00:38:52,650
OK, Bill.

683
00:38:52,650 --> 00:38:53,640
AAA coverage on this.

684
00:38:59,390 --> 00:39:01,790
BILL (VOICEOVER): Because
of Carol's stupid jeans,

685
00:39:01,790 --> 00:39:03,600
we were so late to my boss's picnic,

686
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:06,130
I didn't even have time to tell
him about my latest invention.

687
00:39:06,130 --> 00:39:08,530
You're late, shithead.

688
00:39:08,530 --> 00:39:10,400
CAROL (VOICEOVER): You certainly
had enough time to make

689
00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:12,420
a jealous fool of yourself.

690
00:39:12,420 --> 00:39:15,390
[BEACH MUSIC]

691
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:45,410
Oh, the water feels so nice and warm.

692
00:39:45,410 --> 00:39:47,900
It feels marvelous around my leg.

693
00:39:47,900 --> 00:39:49,720
Oh, what is it?

694
00:39:49,720 --> 00:39:51,330
That's too warm!

695
00:39:51,330 --> 00:39:52,920
[SCREAMING]

696
00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:55,540
And now's the time you've all been waiting

697
00:39:55,540 --> 00:39:57,990
for-- the annual chicken rodeo!

698
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:03,650
Ladies, if you will.

699
00:40:06,940 --> 00:40:08,820
[FANFARE]

700
00:40:08,820 --> 00:40:13,150
Max Blackstone, our champion
three years in a row,

701
00:40:13,150 --> 00:40:18,830
will show us his strength and
endurance on the urban chicken.

702
00:40:18,830 --> 00:40:21,320
[CHEERING]

703
00:40:43,240 --> 00:40:46,220
[BANJO MUSIC]

704
00:41:31,090 --> 00:41:31,890
Bill?

705
00:41:35,850 --> 00:41:38,830
[APPLAUSE]

706
00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:55,990
[DRUM ROLL]

707
00:41:59,620 --> 00:42:00,420
Yahoo!

708
00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:19,640
GABRIEL (VOICEOVER): Jealousy
has made many people

709
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:21,980
jump to the wrong conclusions.

710
00:42:21,980 --> 00:42:23,960
It seems to me that you have a deficit

711
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:25,720
in the old trust department.

712
00:42:25,720 --> 00:42:28,340
Nowadays, trust is the most important

713
00:42:28,340 --> 00:42:30,490
part of a relationship.

714
00:42:30,490 --> 00:42:32,830
But love wasn't always like this.

715
00:42:32,830 --> 00:42:35,120
During the fall of the Roman Empire,

716
00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:38,560
the barbarians who raped and
pillaged the Roman women just

717
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:40,760
grabbed any feminine [INAUDIBLE] that

718
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:42,900
happened to be fleeing in their direction

719
00:42:42,900 --> 00:42:45,110
and kept them locked up in barbershops.

720
00:42:45,110 --> 00:42:48,410
Hence the expression barbarians.

721
00:42:48,410 --> 00:42:50,240
GABRIEL (VOICEOVER): The
barbarians treated their women

722
00:42:50,240 --> 00:42:54,020
companions very badly.

723
00:42:54,020 --> 00:42:57,460
[INAUDIBLE] cut off my hand!

724
00:42:57,460 --> 00:42:58,950
Oh, I did not.

725
00:42:58,950 --> 00:43:00,020
It fell off.

726
00:43:00,020 --> 00:43:00,910
Ha, ha. Good boy.

727
00:43:00,910 --> 00:43:01,710
Give it here.

728
00:43:01,710 --> 00:43:04,860
I'll throw it in the soup.

729
00:43:04,860 --> 00:43:06,060
GABRIEL (VOICEOVER): The tribes that

730
00:43:06,060 --> 00:43:08,330
were especially brutal to their women

731
00:43:08,330 --> 00:43:11,850
were the Visigoths, the
Ostrogoths, and the mishigas.

732
00:43:11,850 --> 00:43:16,540
That'll be last time you drink
white wine with roast beef.

733
00:43:16,540 --> 00:43:17,340
No!

734
00:43:24,540 --> 00:43:25,870
GABRIEL (VOICEOVER): But the worst tribe

735
00:43:25,870 --> 00:43:29,200
of all, the most vulgar and violent,

736
00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:32,630
were the dreaded Stooges.

737
00:43:32,630 --> 00:43:35,080
Hey, Moe!

738
00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:36,060
Spread out.

739
00:43:41,300 --> 00:43:42,750
CAROL (VOICEOVER): Talk about Stooges.

740
00:43:42,750 --> 00:43:47,210
That's just what Bill was
for his boss, Mr. Poulet.

741
00:43:47,210 --> 00:43:48,040
But I need more.

742
00:43:48,340 --> 00:43:49,250
Hey, shithead?

743
00:43:49,250 --> 00:43:50,510
I mean, Bill?

744
00:43:50,510 --> 00:43:53,250
Yeah, fart-face-- I mean-- oh, Clem.

745
00:43:53,250 --> 00:43:55,100
This one seems to be having
a bit of a malfunction.

746
00:43:55,100 --> 00:43:55,900
Check it out.

747
00:43:55,900 --> 00:43:57,790
All right, we'll have a look-see here.

748
00:43:57,790 --> 00:44:00,080
Hold on, Suzie.

749
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:03,280
I don't know what's wrong.

750
00:44:03,280 --> 00:44:05,790
I've never known her not to lay before.

751
00:44:15,790 --> 00:44:17,780
There you go, Clem.

752
00:44:17,780 --> 00:44:18,580
Thanks a lot.

753
00:44:18,580 --> 00:44:20,790
Yeah, no problem.

754
00:44:20,790 --> 00:44:22,750
Take it back.

755
00:44:22,750 --> 00:44:26,280
And tell those hens I want
more god damn laying of eggs.

756
00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:28,970
l do you want, bozo?

757
00:44:28,970 --> 00:44:29,880
Geez, I'm going broke.

758
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:31,180
What is it with these hens?

759
00:44:31,180 --> 00:44:32,600
They're not laying any eggs.

760
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:33,930
What, are they frigid?

761
00:44:33,930 --> 00:44:37,410
Exactly what I'm here to discuss, sir.

762
00:44:37,410 --> 00:44:40,210
I have an idea that should make each hen

763
00:44:40,210 --> 00:44:41,940
lay twice as many eggs.

764
00:44:41,940 --> 00:44:44,350
What kind of idea, bozo?

765
00:44:44,350 --> 00:44:45,220
I'd rather not say.

766
00:44:45,220 --> 00:44:47,850
It's rather novel.

767
00:44:47,850 --> 00:44:48,650
Navel?

768
00:44:48,650 --> 00:44:50,270
Chickens don't have navels, bozo.

769
00:44:50,270 --> 00:44:51,680
They don't have navels?

770
00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:53,930
Well, how do their behinds stay on?

771
00:44:57,080 --> 00:44:58,830
It's a yoke, sir.

772
00:44:58,830 --> 00:45:01,220
Get out of here, shithead!

773
00:45:01,220 --> 00:45:04,060
Yes, sir.

774
00:45:04,060 --> 00:45:05,820
Well, thank you.

775
00:45:05,820 --> 00:45:07,830
I'm glad you like my idea.

776
00:45:07,830 --> 00:45:10,250
I'll have a demonstration set up
for Thursday's board meeting.

777
00:45:10,250 --> 00:45:11,050
Get out of here.

778
00:45:11,050 --> 00:45:12,380
Get out of here.

779
00:45:12,380 --> 00:45:14,160
Get out of here.

780
00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:17,510
Show us what you got, shithead.

781
00:45:17,510 --> 00:45:23,830
Gentlemen, Mr. Poulet, what I have designed

782
00:45:23,830 --> 00:45:28,710
is an audio-visual device
which should actually make

783
00:45:28,710 --> 00:45:31,040
the chickens lay more eggs.

784
00:45:31,040 --> 00:45:35,430
Well, I think we're ready
for a demonstration.

785
00:45:35,430 --> 00:45:37,820
So OK.

786
00:45:37,820 --> 00:45:40,820
Roll it.

787
00:45:40,820 --> 00:45:43,630
[MUSIC PLAYING]

788
00:46:31,210 --> 00:46:34,250
[CLUCKING]

789
00:47:26,940 --> 00:47:29,420
BILL (VOICEOVER): My little
movie did get the chickens

790
00:47:29,420 --> 00:47:31,370
to produce more eggs.

791
00:47:31,370 --> 00:47:34,580
But instead of laying them, the
chickens got so turned on,

792
00:47:34,580 --> 00:47:36,070
they launched them.

793
00:47:41,210 --> 00:47:42,010
Yay!

794
00:47:42,010 --> 00:47:43,000
Oh, it works!

795
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:43,990
They're laying eggs!

796
00:47:43,990 --> 00:47:44,980
They're laying eggs!

797
00:47:50,420 --> 00:47:51,410
It works!

798
00:47:51,410 --> 00:47:52,400
It really works!

799
00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:53,390
Oh, it works!

800
00:47:56,860 --> 00:47:58,840
I'm going to murder you!

801
00:47:58,840 --> 00:47:59,830
It's only a movie.

802
00:47:59,830 --> 00:48:03,720
Come back here, you shithead.

803
00:48:03,720 --> 00:48:05,500
I'll get rid of all the kinky stuff!

804
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:18,310
Carol, hello.

805
00:48:18,310 --> 00:48:19,800
It's good to be home.

806
00:48:19,800 --> 00:48:23,230
Anything interesting happen at work today?

807
00:48:23,230 --> 00:48:24,410
Well, no.

808
00:48:24,410 --> 00:48:28,260
I was hit by a bus on my
way, and Senator Cogburn,

809
00:48:28,260 --> 00:48:30,680
he came into my office
and made me humiliate

810
00:48:30,680 --> 00:48:32,440
him on my desk blotter.

811
00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:37,100
Listen, I've had a terrible day.

812
00:48:37,100 --> 00:48:39,360
I wouldn't have guessed.

813
00:48:39,360 --> 00:48:40,190
It's amazing.

814
00:48:40,190 --> 00:48:41,440
You're like a Sphinx.

815
00:48:41,440 --> 00:48:43,230
I don't know how you keep it all repressed.

816
00:48:43,230 --> 00:48:44,730
You must have terrible nightmares.

817
00:48:44,730 --> 00:48:48,140
Oh, honey, you know the pressure I'm under.

818
00:48:48,140 --> 00:48:52,210
I tried my demonstration for Poulet today.

819
00:48:52,210 --> 00:48:54,610
They're still cleaning up the mess.

820
00:48:54,610 --> 00:48:57,360
Hey, this is a new dress.

821
00:48:57,360 --> 00:49:01,060
Listen, we haven't had a
night alone in weeks.

822
00:49:04,530 --> 00:49:08,390
Oh, you didn't bring home
your work again, did you?

823
00:49:08,390 --> 00:49:10,130
Every time I turn around, you're bringing

824
00:49:10,130 --> 00:49:12,290
home more of these rodents.

825
00:49:12,290 --> 00:49:13,530
Have you smelled our bedroom lately?

826
00:49:13,530 --> 00:49:14,650
Sh!

827
00:49:14,650 --> 00:49:16,740
Not in front of the poultry.

828
00:49:16,740 --> 00:49:18,860
It upsets them.

829
00:49:18,860 --> 00:49:19,700
And they're not rodents.

830
00:49:19,700 --> 00:49:21,010
They're fowl.

831
00:49:21,010 --> 00:49:24,020
They certainly are.

832
00:49:24,020 --> 00:49:26,550
Couldn't we just have a
quiet night together?

833
00:49:26,550 --> 00:49:30,790
Just you and me and the super glue?

834
00:49:30,790 --> 00:49:31,590
No, no.

835
00:49:31,590 --> 00:49:35,940
Really, Carol, I've got to
work on the egg inducer.

836
00:49:35,940 --> 00:49:37,560
I just know I can get them to lay

837
00:49:37,560 --> 00:49:40,400
more eggs if I start with
them when they're this young.

838
00:49:43,390 --> 00:49:45,610
What about that thing
with the whipped cream?

839
00:49:45,610 --> 00:49:47,300
You always like that.

840
00:49:47,300 --> 00:49:48,740
Carol, you're in my light.

841
00:49:48,740 --> 00:49:50,370
Oh, I'm in your light, am I?

842
00:49:50,370 --> 00:49:52,960
Well, how would you like it
if I got out of your life?

843
00:49:52,960 --> 00:49:54,530
Oh, great.

844
00:49:54,530 --> 00:49:55,980
Great, Carol.

845
00:49:55,980 --> 00:49:56,780
Yeah, good.

846
00:49:56,780 --> 00:49:58,550
Lay this all on me right now. Go ahead.

847
00:49:58,550 --> 00:49:59,730
Yeah, sabotage my work.

848
00:49:59,730 --> 00:50:02,330
You know, you'd love to see
me fail, wouldn't you?

849
00:50:02,330 --> 00:50:05,020
I'm trying to build a career here.

850
00:50:05,020 --> 00:50:06,390
Your daddy set you up for life.

851
00:50:06,390 --> 00:50:08,030
My father couldn't do that for me.

852
00:50:08,030 --> 00:50:09,470
You had everything given to you.

853
00:50:09,470 --> 00:50:11,490
Don't mention my father.

854
00:50:11,490 --> 00:50:13,440
My father is a saint!

855
00:50:13,440 --> 00:50:16,570
Oh, tell your father--

856
00:50:16,570 --> 00:50:18,960
Witness, if you will, a couple.

857
00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:22,890
A couple very much in love and
very much on each other's

858
00:50:22,890 --> 00:50:24,070
nerves.

859
00:50:24,070 --> 00:50:29,790
The point in contention,
disagreement over a man's job.

860
00:50:29,790 --> 00:50:33,290
This sort of disagreement has long plagued

861
00:50:33,290 --> 00:50:35,330
couples throughout the ages.

862
00:50:35,330 --> 00:50:41,150
Come, let us observe a similar
argument in another day,

863
00:50:41,150 --> 00:50:42,610
in another time.

864
00:50:47,170 --> 00:50:48,800
You are going on a journey.

865
00:50:54,680 --> 00:50:58,080
There's a sign post up ahead.

866
00:50:58,080 --> 00:51:00,920
[COUGHING]

867
00:51:07,650 --> 00:51:09,500
I feel it bad, Joe.

868
00:51:09,500 --> 00:51:13,500
I feel it very bad.

869
00:51:13,500 --> 00:51:16,460
NARRATOR: We have reached our destination.

870
00:51:16,460 --> 00:51:21,190
The days of old, when knights
were bold, when toilets weren't

871
00:51:21,190 --> 00:51:24,060
invented, they left their load
in the middle of the road

872
00:51:24,060 --> 00:51:27,300
and walked right on, contented.

873
00:51:27,300 --> 00:51:29,100
Look, yonder cometh the dangerous knight

874
00:51:29,100 --> 00:51:30,740
from the black castle.

875
00:51:30,740 --> 00:51:32,080
Nay, fool.

876
00:51:32,080 --> 00:51:34,900
It is the good knight
from the white castle.

877
00:51:38,610 --> 00:51:39,410
Let's see.

878
00:51:39,410 --> 00:51:41,620
Sir Galahad gets a dragon
burger with everything,

879
00:51:41,620 --> 00:51:43,080
the french fried toad is for Merlin,

880
00:51:43,080 --> 00:51:45,910
and Maid Marian will have it her
way, or any way she can get it.

881
00:51:45,910 --> 00:51:47,440
GABRIEL (VOICEOVER): King
Arthur and his lady,

882
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:51,860
Queen Guenevere revolutionized
the lovers' quarrel.

883
00:51:51,860 --> 00:51:52,850
From head--

884
00:51:58,800 --> 00:52:01,780
To foot.

885
00:52:01,780 --> 00:52:03,590
They pioneered the method that has kept

886
00:52:03,590 --> 00:52:05,820
countless couples from breaking up--

887
00:52:05,820 --> 00:52:08,840
the classic male-female fight.

888
00:52:08,840 --> 00:52:11,520
There's nothing like it.

889
00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:12,690
That be one shield down.

890
00:52:12,690 --> 00:52:14,560
Now watch out for thy pantie shield.

891
00:52:18,550 --> 00:52:21,050
[CHEERING]

892
00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:25,040
[COUGHING]

893
00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:29,030
Hildred, my battle-ax.

894
00:52:29,030 --> 00:52:31,030
Sorry.

895
00:52:31,030 --> 00:52:32,220
Come on, kill him! Kill him!

896
00:52:32,220 --> 00:52:33,020
Violence!

897
00:52:33,020 --> 00:52:33,820
Violence!

898
00:52:38,010 --> 00:52:40,050
[INAUDIBLE], my ball and chain.

899
00:52:40,050 --> 00:52:40,850
Thank you.

900
00:52:40,850 --> 00:52:42,900
Oh, is that my sword.

901
00:52:42,900 --> 00:52:44,090
Autograph model, sir.

902
00:52:44,090 --> 00:52:44,890
Sorry.

903
00:52:44,890 --> 00:52:45,690
Me too.

904
00:52:49,030 --> 00:52:50,530
More, more, more!

905
00:52:50,530 --> 00:52:52,530
Come on, let me see some blood and guts!

906
00:52:58,210 --> 00:52:59,210
Blood! Blood!

907
00:52:59,210 --> 00:53:00,010
Blood!

908
00:53:00,010 --> 00:53:00,810
Blood!

909
00:53:00,810 --> 00:53:03,020
Blood!

910
00:53:03,020 --> 00:53:04,100
And the pulse is still ticking!

911
00:53:08,690 --> 00:53:09,820
GABRIEL (VOICEOVER): So, Guenevere

912
00:53:09,820 --> 00:53:13,110
promised that she would
use her mouth a little

913
00:53:13,110 --> 00:53:14,620
if Arthur would use his Lancelot.

914
00:53:17,250 --> 00:53:19,970
I want to thank you for last night.

915
00:53:19,970 --> 00:53:23,170
You were sensational.

916
00:53:23,170 --> 00:53:24,590
I've never been in love before.

917
00:53:28,830 --> 00:53:29,630
Mr. Poulet?

918
00:53:29,630 --> 00:53:30,430
I

919
00:53:30,430 --> 00:53:31,270
What do you want?

920
00:53:31,270 --> 00:53:33,770
Well, I just wanted to apologize

921
00:53:33,770 --> 00:53:36,270
for what happened in the
chicken coop last week, sir.

922
00:53:36,270 --> 00:53:38,040
I had no idea that the film would have such

923
00:53:38,040 --> 00:53:40,150
a profound effect on the girls.

924
00:53:40,150 --> 00:53:41,970
That's not the problem, bozo.

925
00:53:41,970 --> 00:53:45,100
You got them so steamed up, why,
those stupid birds want Friday

926
00:53:45,100 --> 00:53:47,080
night dances with the roosters.

927
00:53:47,080 --> 00:53:49,530
I had heard some rumors around the coop.

928
00:53:49,530 --> 00:53:51,330
I may be wiped out.

929
00:53:51,330 --> 00:53:54,370
I may have the solution to your problems.

930
00:53:54,370 --> 00:53:56,420
Don't do me any favors, bozo.

931
00:53:56,420 --> 00:54:00,770
If this doesn't work, you can fire me.

932
00:54:00,770 --> 00:54:02,620
I can?

933
00:54:02,620 --> 00:54:05,570
Oh, you got a deal, bozo.

934
00:54:05,570 --> 00:54:08,010
You got a deal.

935
00:54:08,010 --> 00:54:12,510
Gentlemen, I'm sorry I have
to do this to you again,

936
00:54:12,510 --> 00:54:15,170
but I have a deal with bozo here.

937
00:54:15,170 --> 00:54:18,940
He's going to show you this
worthless invention of his,

938
00:54:18,940 --> 00:54:23,930
and then I get to fire him.

939
00:54:23,930 --> 00:54:25,650
OK, shithead.

940
00:54:25,650 --> 00:54:27,640
Show it, and we can all get back to work.

941
00:54:31,070 --> 00:54:32,580
Just a minute, Andrews.

942
00:54:32,580 --> 00:54:34,380
That's my prized Polish hen.

943
00:54:34,380 --> 00:54:37,130
You damage so much as one
feather on that bird and--

944
00:54:37,130 --> 00:54:38,570
Don't worry.

945
00:54:38,570 --> 00:54:39,790
I know what I'm doing.

946
00:54:39,790 --> 00:54:42,310
So did Mussolini, and look
what happened to him.

947
00:54:46,810 --> 00:54:51,560
Now, I've given this
machine the peculiar name

948
00:54:51,560 --> 00:54:55,950
of egg inducer because it
has the unique capability

949
00:54:55,950 --> 00:54:59,150
of actually coaxing the
eggs out of the chickens.

950
00:54:59,150 --> 00:55:04,280
With this nifty little device,
you get not one, not two,

951
00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:07,500
but three eggs per chicken per sitting,

952
00:55:07,500 --> 00:55:12,120
as opposed to the norm ratio
of one egg per hen per day.

953
00:55:12,120 --> 00:55:15,130
So now I think we're ready
for a little demonstration.

954
00:55:19,700 --> 00:55:25,840
Oh, I'll just set it here for
a two year old Polish hen,

955
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:28,940
and we're off.

956
00:55:28,940 --> 00:55:32,930
[BEEPING AND WHIRRING]

957
00:55:48,400 --> 00:55:49,400
One egg.

958
00:55:54,630 --> 00:55:55,430
Two eggs.

959
00:55:58,420 --> 00:56:00,910
[CHICKEN SCREAMING]

960
00:56:02,900 --> 00:56:05,390
One drumstick.

961
00:56:05,390 --> 00:56:08,380
One drumstick!

962
00:56:08,380 --> 00:56:10,870
Oh, my baby!

963
00:56:10,870 --> 00:56:13,860
Oh, for god's sakes, what's happening?

964
00:56:17,340 --> 00:56:18,340
Mashed potatoes?

965
00:56:30,290 --> 00:56:33,280
I'll-- I'll--

966
00:56:33,280 --> 00:56:35,770
[BELCH]

967
00:56:36,460 --> 00:56:37,260
Andrews!

968
00:56:47,720 --> 00:56:49,920
I know.

969
00:56:49,920 --> 00:56:52,200
I'm fired, right?

970
00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:53,160
No!

971
00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:54,610
You're dead!

972
00:56:54,610 --> 00:56:57,210
Men, kill him!

973
00:56:57,210 --> 00:56:59,070
BILL (VOICEOVER): Mr. Poulet
was a little steamed.

974
00:56:59,070 --> 00:57:01,700
He didn't fire me, though.

975
00:57:01,700 --> 00:57:03,690
A couple of other minor incidents

976
00:57:03,690 --> 00:57:06,400
necessitated a career change.

977
00:57:06,400 --> 00:57:07,990
I became a cheeseburger.

978
00:57:07,990 --> 00:57:09,140
Plasti-burgers.

979
00:57:09,140 --> 00:57:10,900
Get your bills!

980
00:57:10,900 --> 00:57:12,230
Plasti-burgers.

981
00:57:12,230 --> 00:57:15,130
They almost taste real.

982
00:57:15,130 --> 00:57:15,930
Plasti-burger.

983
00:57:15,930 --> 00:57:19,340
Get your mouth a Plasti-burger.

984
00:57:19,340 --> 00:57:22,020
You won't believe them till you try them.

985
00:57:22,020 --> 00:57:23,770
The work wasn't so bad.

986
00:57:23,770 --> 00:57:26,720
I mean, there are a lot
of guys in my situation.

987
00:57:26,720 --> 00:57:27,520
Morning, Bill.

988
00:57:27,520 --> 00:57:29,830
How's it hanging?

989
00:57:33,370 --> 00:57:36,600
Kids, there's been something
I've meant to ask you.

990
00:57:36,600 --> 00:57:38,490
What's that?

991
00:57:38,490 --> 00:57:39,900
Recognize this man?

992
00:57:39,900 --> 00:57:41,240
He owes me money.

993
00:57:41,240 --> 00:57:42,800
That's what you wanted to ask us?

994
00:57:42,800 --> 00:57:44,890
No, I guess I lied.

995
00:57:44,890 --> 00:57:47,350
What I really meant to ask you was,

996
00:57:47,350 --> 00:57:49,530
why did you break up in the first place?

997
00:57:49,530 --> 00:57:51,580
So you had a few problems.

998
00:57:51,580 --> 00:57:53,370
Well, you haven't heard the worst of it.

999
00:57:53,370 --> 00:57:54,560
It gets worse?

1000
00:57:54,560 --> 00:57:56,340
The real problems began when Bill

1001
00:57:56,340 --> 00:57:58,550
lost his job and his self-confidence,

1002
00:57:58,550 --> 00:58:00,870
and he started accusing me of
all these terrible things.

1003
00:58:00,870 --> 00:58:02,250
Oh, I did not.

1004
00:58:02,250 --> 00:58:03,180
She's a crazy lunatic.

1005
00:58:03,180 --> 00:58:04,630
You can see that.

1006
00:58:04,630 --> 00:58:07,140
I think you get the idea.

1007
00:58:07,140 --> 00:58:10,370
There was no more trust
in our relationship.

1008
00:58:10,370 --> 00:58:19,990
Bill, Carol-- [BELCH]-- trust
is a very unusual thing.

1009
00:58:19,990 --> 00:58:22,220
It's like ear muffs on a cantaloupe.

1010
00:58:22,220 --> 00:58:25,120
BILL: That's, uh, very unusual.

1011
00:58:25,120 --> 00:58:28,150
That's just what I said, very unusual.

1012
00:58:28,150 --> 00:58:31,120
In fact, there's something I
would like you to look at.

1013
00:58:35,850 --> 00:58:39,580
Napoleon Bonaparte was legendary
for his lack of trust

1014
00:58:39,580 --> 00:58:41,640
in his wife, Josephine.

1015
00:58:41,640 --> 00:58:43,590
He was obsessed with the
notion that while he was

1016
00:58:43,590 --> 00:58:46,250
out conquering the world, she was

1017
00:58:46,250 --> 00:58:49,000
hosting orgies back in France.

1018
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:52,420
History was made one night
when Josephine and her lovers

1019
00:58:52,420 --> 00:58:57,080
feasted on a tub of baked beans,
and the whole thing back-fired.

1020
00:58:57,080 --> 00:59:00,510
WOMAN: Oh la la, baked beans!

1021
00:59:00,510 --> 00:59:02,430
[KISSING NOISES]

1022
00:59:12,390 --> 00:59:15,240
[DOORBELL]

1023
00:59:17,910 --> 00:59:18,800
Yes?

1024
00:59:18,800 --> 00:59:20,310
It's your own true Napoleon!

1025
00:59:23,310 --> 00:59:24,110
Scram!

1026
00:59:39,790 --> 00:59:41,790
Come, let's frolic.

1027
00:59:45,780 --> 00:59:46,780
No, Boo Boo.

1028
00:59:46,780 --> 00:59:47,770
What did I tell you, huh?

1029
00:59:50,770 --> 00:59:52,760
Come, let's frolic.

1030
00:59:56,260 --> 00:59:57,750
[FLATULENCE]

1031
00:59:57,750 --> 00:59:58,750
Ah!

1032
00:59:58,750 --> 01:00:01,620
Napoleon, you have farted!

1033
01:00:01,620 --> 01:00:04,080
It wasn't me!

1034
01:00:04,080 --> 01:00:05,990
It was the cat!

1035
01:00:05,990 --> 01:00:06,920
[FLATULENCE]

1036
01:00:06,920 --> 01:00:09,240
We haven't got a cat, do we?

1037
01:00:09,240 --> 01:00:10,620
[FLATULENCE]

1038
01:00:10,620 --> 01:00:13,570
It was me.

1039
01:00:13,570 --> 01:00:16,540
[FLATULENCE]

1040
01:00:25,970 --> 01:00:27,460
Sacre bleu!

1041
01:00:27,460 --> 01:00:28,940
Smells like Brooklyn.

1042
01:00:33,410 --> 01:00:35,390
Chemical warfare.

1043
01:00:35,390 --> 01:00:36,380
Get out, you nasty men.

1044
01:00:36,380 --> 01:00:37,400
Quickly, [INAUDIBLE].

1045
01:00:37,400 --> 01:00:38,260
Be gone.

1046
01:00:38,260 --> 01:00:39,060
Vamoose.

1047
01:00:39,060 --> 01:00:40,420
Beat it.

1048
01:00:40,420 --> 01:00:43,050
Next time I only let them eat cake.

1049
01:00:43,050 --> 01:00:44,990
I'm not Napoleon, but
that's exactly what was

1050
01:00:44,990 --> 01:00:46,270
happening between you and me.

1051
01:00:46,270 --> 01:00:47,740
What are you talking about?

1052
01:00:47,740 --> 01:00:49,200
I never did anything of the kind.

1053
01:00:49,200 --> 01:00:50,310
Of course you did.

1054
01:00:50,310 --> 01:00:51,720
I saw you with my own eyes.

1055
01:00:51,720 --> 01:00:52,770
I saw you.

1056
01:00:52,770 --> 01:00:54,590
Your faith in me is touching.

1057
01:00:54,590 --> 01:00:55,610
[GUNSHOT]

1058
01:00:56,410 --> 01:00:58,120
Works pretty well, don't it?

1059
01:00:58,120 --> 01:01:00,820
I used this once when I went
hunting in Woolworth's.

1060
01:01:00,820 --> 01:01:02,950
You went hunting in Woolworth's?

1061
01:01:02,950 --> 01:01:04,330
What were you hunting for?

1062
01:01:04,330 --> 01:01:05,420
Bargains!

1063
01:01:05,420 --> 01:01:07,600
I got you on that one, didn't I?

1064
01:01:07,600 --> 01:01:10,260
Say, what the devil were you
two kids arguing about?

1065
01:01:10,260 --> 01:01:12,320
Let me explain.

1066
01:01:12,320 --> 01:01:14,470
About a week after Carol and I had

1067
01:01:14,470 --> 01:01:17,720
our big argument about my
career, I saw something.

1068
01:01:17,720 --> 01:01:18,680
You don't understand.

1069
01:01:18,680 --> 01:01:21,670
Let me finish.

1070
01:01:21,670 --> 01:01:23,240
BILL (VOICEOVER): I felt
bad about the problems

1071
01:01:23,240 --> 01:01:25,680
that Carol and I were
having, so I thought I

1072
01:01:25,680 --> 01:01:30,170
would surprise her with tickets
to her favorite opera.

1073
01:01:30,170 --> 01:01:32,460
But I was the one that got surprised.

1074
01:01:41,740 --> 01:01:45,070
I decided to follow Carol, but
I didn't want her to know.

1075
01:01:45,070 --> 01:01:47,880
So I came up with this
clever disguise that made

1076
01:01:47,880 --> 01:01:49,480
me completely inconspicuous.

1077
01:01:55,600 --> 01:02:00,080
Despite my excellent camouflage,
I think she sensed something.

1078
01:02:28,460 --> 01:02:29,510
Carol!

1079
01:02:29,510 --> 01:02:30,990
Carol, get out of the car.

1080
01:02:30,990 --> 01:02:31,890
Carol, get out of there.

1081
01:02:31,890 --> 01:02:32,690
God damn it, Carol.

1082
01:02:32,690 --> 01:02:34,810
What are you doing?

1083
01:02:34,810 --> 01:02:35,830
Get out of the car.

1084
01:02:35,830 --> 01:02:36,860
Oh.

1085
01:02:36,860 --> 01:02:38,070
Oh.

1086
01:02:38,070 --> 01:02:39,200
Terribly sorry.

1087
01:02:39,200 --> 01:02:41,970
I didn't-- oh.

1088
01:02:41,970 --> 01:02:42,960
Beat it, weirdo.

1089
01:02:42,960 --> 01:02:43,760
Uh-huh.

1090
01:02:43,760 --> 01:02:46,290
Yeah.

1091
01:02:46,290 --> 01:02:48,790
Just wanted to tell you
the circus is in town.

1092
01:02:48,790 --> 01:02:51,160
Be at the fairgrounds, August 5.

1093
01:02:51,160 --> 01:02:53,660
See you there.

1094
01:02:53,660 --> 01:02:57,130
Bruce, now, how did he
know my name was Carol?

1095
01:02:57,130 --> 01:02:58,830
BILL (VOICEOVER): I was getting desperate.

1096
01:02:58,830 --> 01:02:59,630
Taxi!

1097
01:02:59,630 --> 01:03:02,480
BILL (VOICEOVER): I had to
confront Carol at any cost.

1098
01:03:02,480 --> 01:03:04,930
Forest Lawn, and step on it.

1099
01:03:04,930 --> 01:03:05,730
Just one minute!

1100
01:03:05,730 --> 01:03:06,530
We need to talk!

1101
01:03:06,530 --> 01:03:08,870
Driver, do you see that suspicious

1102
01:03:08,870 --> 01:03:10,560
looking clown following us?

1103
01:03:10,560 --> 01:03:11,470
Yes, I do.

1104
01:03:11,470 --> 01:03:12,880
Can you do something about it?

1105
01:03:12,880 --> 01:03:14,330
He's been following me for days.

1106
01:03:14,330 --> 01:03:15,670
Yes, I can.

1107
01:03:15,670 --> 01:03:18,660
[MUSIC - "WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE"]

1108
01:03:32,830 --> 01:03:33,630
Faster!

1109
01:03:39,120 --> 01:03:42,620
DRIVER: How am I doing, lady?

1110
01:03:42,620 --> 01:03:44,610
CAROL: He's gaining on us!

1111
01:03:44,610 --> 01:03:47,610
DRIVER: Who the hell is that clown anyway?

1112
01:03:47,610 --> 01:03:48,600
CAROL: Never mind.

1113
01:03:48,600 --> 01:03:49,600
Just floor it.

1114
01:03:55,090 --> 01:03:57,590
[HONKING]

1115
01:04:19,240 --> 01:04:20,040
Hey, guys.

1116
01:04:20,040 --> 01:04:22,040
Thanks for stopping.

1117
01:04:22,040 --> 01:04:24,030
Follow that cab!

1118
01:04:24,030 --> 01:04:25,030
Follow that cab!

1119
01:04:31,310 --> 01:04:32,610
BILL (VOICEOVER): It was quite a chase,

1120
01:04:32,610 --> 01:04:35,420
but I finally tracked her down.

1121
01:04:35,420 --> 01:04:39,610
Now we would see if there was
anything left of our love.

1122
01:04:39,610 --> 01:04:42,710
Dear friends, we are gathered here today

1123
01:04:42,710 --> 01:04:45,460
to pay solemn tribute to a dear friend

1124
01:04:45,460 --> 01:04:47,920
and colleague, Charles Kaufman.

1125
01:04:47,920 --> 01:04:50,810
He would certainly appreciate the solemnity

1126
01:04:50,810 --> 01:04:54,130
and quietness of this moment.

1127
01:04:54,130 --> 01:04:56,830
Let us bow our heads for
a moment of prayer.

1128
01:05:02,670 --> 01:05:03,740
-We've got to talk. -What?

1129
01:05:03,740 --> 01:05:04,740
We've got to talk.

1130
01:05:04,740 --> 01:05:05,900
Here? Now?

1131
01:05:05,900 --> 01:05:07,010
Well, what's wrong with now?

1132
01:05:07,010 --> 01:05:08,590
Now is as good a time as any.

1133
01:05:08,590 --> 01:05:10,630
Do you have any idea where you are?

1134
01:05:10,630 --> 01:05:11,970
Excuse me, sir.

1135
01:05:11,970 --> 01:05:14,340
Are you with the mourners?

1136
01:05:14,340 --> 01:05:15,370
Well, no.

1137
01:05:15,370 --> 01:05:16,600
Not exactly, I--

1138
01:05:16,600 --> 01:05:18,110
Well, if you would just have a seat

1139
01:05:18,110 --> 01:05:19,890
so we can continue the service.

1140
01:05:19,890 --> 01:05:21,200
Sure, I'l-- no!

1141
01:05:26,020 --> 01:05:30,430
We were certainly taken aback
by this most tragic accident.

1142
01:05:30,430 --> 01:05:33,080
You have been following
me for days, haven't you?

1143
01:05:33,080 --> 01:05:35,080
Oh, you noticed?

1144
01:05:35,080 --> 01:05:36,580
[BOING]

1145
01:05:41,350 --> 01:05:42,150
I'm sorry.

1146
01:05:42,150 --> 01:05:43,900
Why are you doing this?

1147
01:05:43,900 --> 01:05:47,550
Because I think we have some
very serious things to discuss.

1148
01:05:55,970 --> 01:05:57,440
Oh, boy.

1149
01:05:57,440 --> 01:05:59,100
[COMIC CARTOON LAUGHING]

1150
01:06:02,140 --> 01:06:07,000
Will the gentleman in the third
row please turn that thing off?

1151
01:06:07,000 --> 01:06:08,020
One minute, OK?

1152
01:06:08,020 --> 01:06:11,440
I've just got to find the switch.

1153
01:06:11,440 --> 01:06:12,430
Here it is.

1154
01:06:18,920 --> 01:06:20,340
No, that wasn't it.

1155
01:06:20,340 --> 01:06:22,950
You think I like doing this?

1156
01:06:22,950 --> 01:06:24,820
[BOING]

1157
01:06:28,320 --> 01:06:30,780
The point is--

1158
01:06:30,780 --> 01:06:33,690
Will the gentleman in the third row

1159
01:06:33,690 --> 01:06:36,170
please let me bury this man?

1160
01:06:36,170 --> 01:06:38,570
I have another one to do today.

1161
01:06:38,570 --> 01:06:41,270
Hey, can't you see we're trying to have

1162
01:06:41,270 --> 01:06:43,240
a conversation over here?

1163
01:06:43,240 --> 01:06:44,800
[MUSIC - "STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER"]

1164
01:06:45,600 --> 01:06:48,180
Carol, look, what I wanted
to say-- all I'm trying--

1165
01:06:48,180 --> 01:06:49,800
Carol, all I'm-- stop!

1166
01:06:55,540 --> 01:06:57,010
Carol, wait!

1167
01:06:57,010 --> 01:06:58,000
Carol, wait!

1168
01:06:58,000 --> 01:06:58,800
Carol!

1169
01:06:58,800 --> 01:07:02,910
What I'm trying to say is that-- I think--

1170
01:07:02,910 --> 01:07:06,830
that we ought to-- get married.

1171
01:07:06,830 --> 01:07:09,780
Because I love you.

1172
01:07:14,210 --> 01:07:16,450
BILL (VOICEOVER): Carol was
a little upset after that.

1173
01:07:16,450 --> 01:07:18,950
So we sat down and talked it out and agreed

1174
01:07:18,950 --> 01:07:23,600
that perhaps temporarily I
should move out of the house.

1175
01:07:23,600 --> 01:07:25,250
Get out of here, you moron!

1176
01:07:25,250 --> 01:07:28,860
What are you-- oh!

1177
01:07:28,860 --> 01:07:29,840
Carol!

1178
01:07:29,840 --> 01:07:30,810
Carol!

1179
01:07:30,810 --> 01:07:31,790
Open the door.

1180
01:07:31,790 --> 01:07:36,950
Carol, if you don't open
this door, I'm leaving.

1181
01:07:36,950 --> 01:07:39,580
I'm so glad you reconsidered.

1182
01:07:39,580 --> 01:07:40,980
You'll adore this neighborhood.

1183
01:07:46,750 --> 01:07:48,400
[GASPING]

1184
01:07:48,400 --> 01:07:50,940
I-- oh!

1185
01:07:55,960 --> 01:07:57,980
BILL (VOICEOVER): I wasn't
going to moon about it.

1186
01:07:57,980 --> 01:08:00,650
I started looking for a
small place of my own.

1187
01:08:00,650 --> 01:08:03,350
Since apartments are so
hard to come by these days,

1188
01:08:03,350 --> 01:08:06,550
I figured I better take the
first place to come along.

1189
01:08:06,550 --> 01:08:08,010
No visitors.

1190
01:08:08,010 --> 01:08:11,420
And no parties!

1191
01:08:11,420 --> 01:08:12,530
I'll take it.

1192
01:08:17,410 --> 01:08:20,330
No pets.

1193
01:08:20,330 --> 01:08:21,800
No loud music.

1194
01:08:21,800 --> 01:08:25,390
And rent's due on the first of the month.

1195
01:08:25,390 --> 01:08:26,190
Thank you.

1196
01:08:30,110 --> 01:08:32,020
BILL (VOICEOVER): It wasn't so bad.

1197
01:08:32,020 --> 01:08:34,160
And after I got through decorating,

1198
01:08:34,160 --> 01:08:36,700
the place looked really nice.

1199
01:08:36,700 --> 01:08:39,230
After a few days without Carol, I knew

1200
01:08:39,230 --> 01:08:41,110
I had done the right thing.

1201
01:08:41,110 --> 01:08:45,040
Now I had the chance to date
wholesome, well-adjusted girls.

1202
01:08:45,750 --> 01:08:46,720
BILL (VOICEOVER): Like Muffy.

1203
01:08:48,810 --> 01:08:50,110
Bill?

1204
01:08:50,110 --> 01:08:51,360
What?

1205
01:08:51,360 --> 01:08:53,830
Hurt me.

1206
01:08:53,830 --> 01:08:55,000
What?

1207
01:08:55,000 --> 01:08:55,800
Hit me.

1208
01:08:55,800 --> 01:08:56,600
Bite me.

1209
01:08:56,600 --> 01:08:57,780
Spank me.

1210
01:08:57,780 --> 01:08:59,760
Whip me.

1211
01:08:59,760 --> 01:09:02,630
Uh, um--

1212
01:09:02,630 --> 01:09:04,100
Take your belt off and spank me.

1213
01:09:04,100 --> 01:09:04,900
Punish me.

1214
01:09:04,900 --> 01:09:07,450
And teach me a lesson.

1215
01:09:07,450 --> 01:09:11,380
Uh, boy-- gee, it's 6:45 already.

1216
01:09:11,380 --> 01:09:13,610
I had no idea it was so late.

1217
01:09:13,610 --> 01:09:15,480
Bill, please.

1218
01:09:15,480 --> 01:09:18,340
BILL (VOICEOVER): It wasn't the
whips and chains that I minded.

1219
01:09:18,340 --> 01:09:19,920
But when she wanted to strap me to a chair

1220
01:09:19,920 --> 01:09:22,670
and make me watch "The Phil Donahue Show,"

1221
01:09:22,670 --> 01:09:25,900
I knew it was time to leave.

1222
01:09:25,900 --> 01:09:29,980
CAROL (VOICEOVER): I was
enjoying my freedom too.

1223
01:09:29,980 --> 01:09:32,200
Without bill, I became
the life of the party.

1224
01:09:32,200 --> 01:09:34,060
[LAUGHTER]

1225
01:09:34,990 --> 01:09:37,460
NARRATOR (ON TV): You have been
watching "The Champagne Hour,"

1226
01:09:37,460 --> 01:09:40,770
coming to you from the
famous Starlight Room.

1227
01:09:40,770 --> 01:09:42,380
All now a word about laxatives.

1228
01:09:42,380 --> 01:09:45,530
CAROL (VOICEOVER): I was meeting
all sorts of fascinating men.

1229
01:09:45,530 --> 01:09:46,760
Hey there, good looking.

1230
01:09:46,760 --> 01:09:47,710
My name is Len.

1231
01:09:47,710 --> 01:09:48,760
Maybe you heard of me.

1232
01:09:48,760 --> 01:09:50,900
I drive a Datsun supercharged Turbo.

1233
01:09:50,900 --> 01:09:52,420
How'd you like to go up to my apartment

1234
01:09:52,420 --> 01:09:55,730
and jump in the washing machine?

1235
01:09:55,730 --> 01:09:56,720
No.

1236
01:09:56,720 --> 01:09:58,440
Maybe some other time.

1237
01:09:58,440 --> 01:09:59,720
Hey there, good looking.

1238
01:09:59,720 --> 01:10:00,610
My name is Len.

1239
01:10:00,610 --> 01:10:02,050
I'd love to.

1240
01:10:02,050 --> 01:10:03,580
Excuse me.

1241
01:10:03,580 --> 01:10:05,130
I noticed you were sitting by yourself.

1242
01:10:05,130 --> 01:10:06,810
Can I join you?

1243
01:10:06,810 --> 01:10:08,040
Sure.

1244
01:10:08,040 --> 01:10:10,640
My name's Myron Lunch.

1245
01:10:10,640 --> 01:10:13,410
I work for Ross and White,
the accounting firm.

1246
01:10:13,410 --> 01:10:15,400
If you're not doing anything, would you

1247
01:10:15,400 --> 01:10:16,980
like to come back to my house and do

1248
01:10:16,980 --> 01:10:19,890
some really serious fucking?

1249
01:10:19,890 --> 01:10:20,880
I have a Water Pic.

1250
01:10:20,880 --> 01:10:21,740
It's real good.

1251
01:10:25,440 --> 01:10:26,910
[BELL RINGING]

1252
01:10:26,910 --> 01:10:28,880
All right, everybody!

1253
01:10:28,880 --> 01:10:29,820
Shut up!

1254
01:10:29,820 --> 01:10:30,620
Shut up!

1255
01:10:30,620 --> 01:10:31,760
It's 6:01.

1256
01:10:31,760 --> 01:10:32,960
Happy Hour's over.

1257
01:10:32,960 --> 01:10:34,720
Just shut up.

1258
01:10:34,720 --> 01:10:35,630
[NOISEMAKER]

1259
01:10:36,430 --> 01:10:37,590
You heard me, lady.

1260
01:10:37,590 --> 01:10:40,850
If you want to be happy, go next door.

1261
01:10:40,850 --> 01:10:41,790
Hi!

1262
01:10:41,790 --> 01:10:43,820
Sorry I'm late.

1263
01:10:43,820 --> 01:10:45,860
Hey, what's wrong?

1264
01:10:45,860 --> 01:10:50,500
Oh, you're not gonna believe
this, but I think I miss Bill.

1265
01:10:50,500 --> 01:10:51,730
What's worse?

1266
01:10:51,730 --> 01:10:53,650
Every jerk in town either wants to take

1267
01:10:53,650 --> 01:10:57,510
me home or buy me a drink or put
me through his washing machine.

1268
01:10:57,510 --> 01:10:59,110
God, I've been squeezed so many times,

1269
01:10:59,110 --> 01:11:00,950
I feel like a package of Charmin.

1270
01:11:00,950 --> 01:11:02,110
Carol, come on.

1271
01:11:02,110 --> 01:11:03,750
Now, don't talk like that.

1272
01:11:03,750 --> 01:11:05,510
You're strong.

1273
01:11:05,510 --> 01:11:07,060
You can make it through this.

1274
01:11:07,060 --> 01:11:09,200
I have faith in you.

1275
01:11:09,200 --> 01:11:14,260
You know, Carol, you--
you've got a great body.

1276
01:11:14,260 --> 01:11:20,320
Would you mind terribly if I
stick my tongue in your ear?

1277
01:11:20,320 --> 01:11:23,330
It's sad when the romance
goes out of a relationship.

1278
01:11:23,330 --> 01:11:24,600
What do you mean?

1279
01:11:24,600 --> 01:11:25,570
Never mind.

1280
01:11:25,570 --> 01:11:27,240
You better tell me, baby.

1281
01:11:27,240 --> 01:11:28,040
I'm your man.

1282
01:11:28,040 --> 01:11:30,880
You're not much of a man.

1283
01:11:30,880 --> 01:11:32,300
And you're bad in bed.

1284
01:11:32,300 --> 01:11:34,200
Look, you've got nothing there.

1285
01:11:34,200 --> 01:11:37,500
You bitch!

1286
01:11:37,500 --> 01:11:39,470
Take that, you bitch!

1287
01:11:39,470 --> 01:11:42,310
Take that!

1288
01:11:42,310 --> 01:11:43,410
Oh! Help!

1289
01:11:43,410 --> 01:11:44,360
Help! Help!

1290
01:11:44,360 --> 01:11:45,160
Help!

1291
01:11:45,160 --> 01:11:45,960
Help!

1292
01:11:48,420 --> 01:11:50,540
All right, break it up, you two.

1293
01:11:53,630 --> 01:12:00,570
Bill, Carol-- [BELCH]-- that's disgusting.

1294
01:12:00,570 --> 01:12:02,690
After careful analysis, I believe I finally

1295
01:12:02,690 --> 01:12:04,020
understand the situation.

1296
01:12:04,020 --> 01:12:06,620
You hate each other.

1297
01:12:06,620 --> 01:12:08,090
Now, why don't you both
return to your homes

1298
01:12:08,090 --> 01:12:11,300
and get a good night's sleep?

1299
01:12:11,300 --> 01:12:13,300
Tomorrow in court, I
will render my decision.

1300
01:12:34,990 --> 01:12:36,330
STELLA: Hello, your honor.

1301
01:12:36,330 --> 01:12:37,820
Did you have a nice lunch?

1302
01:12:37,820 --> 01:12:38,810
MAN: Thank you, Stella.

1303
01:12:45,230 --> 01:12:47,660
Any calls while I was gone, Stella?

1304
01:12:47,660 --> 01:12:48,700
No, your honor.

1305
01:12:48,700 --> 01:12:51,050
Just some crank telling
me to hold his ball--

1306
01:12:51,050 --> 01:12:53,300
I mean, never mind, your honor.

1307
01:12:53,300 --> 01:12:55,820
Well, let me continue dictating
on the Kornheiser opinion.

1308
01:12:55,820 --> 01:12:57,280
Yes, your honor.

1309
01:13:06,510 --> 01:13:08,460
[SNORING]

1310
01:13:20,470 --> 01:13:24,170
What's wrong with the way I act?

1311
01:13:24,170 --> 01:13:26,160
[CHUCKLING]

1312
01:13:27,150 --> 01:13:29,130
I love being alone with you.

1313
01:13:32,110 --> 01:13:36,300
DEEP VOICE: Bill Andrews
and Carol Griffiths,

1314
01:13:36,300 --> 01:13:41,240
the spirits of history summon
you back through time to stand

1315
01:13:41,240 --> 01:13:43,220
trial in the eternal court.

1316
01:13:46,180 --> 01:13:50,790
Your jury, the great figures of history,

1317
01:13:50,790 --> 01:13:54,330
will judge you, not on the
mundane values of the New

1318
01:13:54,330 --> 01:13:58,250
Jersey system of jurisprudence, but rather

1319
01:13:58,250 --> 01:14:03,130
on the cosmic universal wisdom of the ages.

1320
01:14:07,450 --> 01:14:09,720
Could I have a receipt, please?

1321
01:14:09,720 --> 01:14:10,520
Thanks.

1322
01:14:14,310 --> 01:14:17,710
DEEP VOICE: Bill Andrews
and Carol Griffiths.

1323
01:14:17,710 --> 01:14:18,700
Come before the bar.

1324
01:14:29,620 --> 01:14:31,600
[ORGAN MUSIC]

1325
01:14:32,590 --> 01:14:34,990
Ladies and gentlemen, this court

1326
01:14:34,990 --> 01:14:37,710
seeks judgement against the couple Bill

1327
01:14:37,710 --> 01:14:40,170
Andrews and Carol Griffiths.

1328
01:14:40,170 --> 01:14:42,640
Of what are they accused?

1329
01:14:42,640 --> 01:14:44,610
Mr. Judge, I'd just like to say something.

1330
01:14:44,610 --> 01:14:46,800
Excuse me, members of the
jury and everybody-- I'm

1331
01:14:46,800 --> 01:14:47,650
Christopher Columbus.

1332
01:14:47,650 --> 01:14:48,450
How do you doing?

1333
01:14:48,450 --> 01:14:49,770
Discoverer of America.

1334
01:14:49,770 --> 01:14:51,400
I just want to say one thing.

1335
01:14:51,400 --> 01:14:53,080
We've got a lot of very important people

1336
01:14:53,080 --> 01:14:55,210
here-- discoverers, inventors, people

1337
01:14:55,210 --> 01:14:57,790
who did very good things.

1338
01:14:57,790 --> 01:14:59,840
But there's one thing
we've all been missing

1339
01:14:59,840 --> 01:15:02,580
all of our lives-- one thing.

1340
01:15:02,580 --> 01:15:06,290
And these two-- hey, stupido, you found it.

1341
01:15:06,290 --> 01:15:07,090
You've got it.

1342
01:15:07,090 --> 01:15:08,530
You've got the magic.

1343
01:15:08,530 --> 01:15:10,360
You've got love.

1344
01:15:10,360 --> 01:15:11,160
Bill?

1345
01:15:11,160 --> 01:15:11,970
And what do you do?

1346
01:15:11,970 --> 01:15:12,770
You blow it.

1347
01:15:12,770 --> 01:15:15,340
Well, I've just got to say one thing to you

1348
01:15:15,340 --> 01:15:18,820
from all of us-- what, are you crazy?

1349
01:15:18,820 --> 01:15:19,790
Sheesh.

1350
01:15:19,790 --> 01:15:21,240
That's all I've got to say.

1351
01:15:21,240 --> 01:15:23,180
Thank you very much.

1352
01:15:23,180 --> 01:15:25,110
[BOING]

1353
01:15:28,020 --> 01:15:29,040
That's a good boy.

1354
01:15:29,040 --> 01:15:30,510
Thank you very much.

1355
01:15:30,510 --> 01:15:33,140
Emperor Napoleon, call your first witness.

1356
01:15:39,040 --> 01:15:41,960
The court calls Artie Poulet.

1357
01:15:45,310 --> 01:15:49,140
What the hell?

1358
01:15:49,140 --> 01:15:52,150
Andrews, what are you doing here?

1359
01:15:52,150 --> 01:15:55,450
Come to think of it, what am I doing here?

1360
01:15:55,450 --> 01:15:59,250
I was in the middle of a
dream with Linda Ronstadt.

1361
01:15:59,250 --> 01:16:02,390
Do you know that man sitting there?

1362
01:16:02,390 --> 01:16:03,890
Oh, yeah.

1363
01:16:03,890 --> 01:16:05,390
That's Andrews, the shithead.

1364
01:16:05,390 --> 01:16:06,820
He used to work for me.

1365
01:16:06,820 --> 01:16:09,120
Would you mind explaining what happened

1366
01:16:09,120 --> 01:16:12,210
to end his employ with you?

1367
01:16:12,210 --> 01:16:14,590
POULET (VOICEOVER): It was on a Tuesday.

1368
01:16:14,590 --> 01:16:15,930
I've had it up to here, bozo.

1369
01:16:15,930 --> 01:16:16,830
Are you paying attention?

1370
01:16:16,830 --> 01:16:17,630
Yes, sir.

1371
01:16:17,630 --> 01:16:20,590
Then look at me when I shriek at you.

1372
01:16:20,590 --> 01:16:23,100
Is your mind somewhere else?

1373
01:16:23,100 --> 01:16:25,950
Are you having personal problems?

1374
01:16:25,950 --> 01:16:27,840
I heard from that girl of yours, she's

1375
01:16:27,840 --> 01:16:30,550
treating bozo like a dork.

1376
01:16:30,550 --> 01:16:32,710
Forget that tart.

1377
01:16:32,710 --> 01:16:36,350
There are 90,000 other
clucking hens in the coop.

1378
01:16:36,350 --> 01:16:38,750
Mr. Poulet, please.

1379
01:16:38,750 --> 01:16:42,520
Do not call her a tart.

1380
01:16:42,520 --> 01:16:45,850
She's the most wonderful girl in the world.

1381
01:16:45,850 --> 01:16:48,090
We're just having problems
right now, that's all.

1382
01:16:48,090 --> 01:16:50,870
Well, that's because you spend
more time worrying about hen

1383
01:16:50,870 --> 01:16:53,000
laying than woman laying.

1384
01:16:55,630 --> 01:16:57,700
You can't be quiet, can you?

1385
01:16:57,700 --> 01:16:59,460
Hey, watch it, shithead.

1386
01:16:59,460 --> 01:17:01,020
Control yourself.

1387
01:17:01,020 --> 01:17:05,100
What do you want to do, get
fired over some half-wit tart,

1388
01:17:05,100 --> 01:17:06,890
huh?

1389
01:17:06,890 --> 01:17:07,800
No.

1390
01:17:07,800 --> 01:17:10,270
No, I-- I guess not.

1391
01:17:18,170 --> 01:17:20,120
I quit.

1392
01:17:20,120 --> 01:17:22,840
Thank you, Monsieur Poulet.

1393
01:17:22,840 --> 01:17:25,620
What do you think of that,
Miss Griffiths, huh?

1394
01:17:25,620 --> 01:17:28,250
Bill, you mean he didn't fire
you because of the egg inducer?

1395
01:17:31,510 --> 01:17:36,120
Say, ain't you Charles de Gaulle?

1396
01:17:36,120 --> 01:17:38,460
Witness may step down.

1397
01:17:38,460 --> 01:17:40,670
Call your next witness.

1398
01:17:40,670 --> 01:17:45,990
The court would like to
call Lance Griffiths.

1399
01:17:45,990 --> 01:17:47,900
Oh, god.

1400
01:17:47,900 --> 01:17:49,330
Lance!

1401
01:17:49,330 --> 01:17:52,230
I've got to stop smoking that
sensimilla before going to bed.

1402
01:17:52,230 --> 01:17:55,410
Monsieur Griffiths, do you recall meeting

1403
01:17:55,410 --> 01:17:59,510
secretly with that woman there?

1404
01:17:59,510 --> 01:18:01,170
Carol!

1405
01:18:01,170 --> 01:18:01,970
Oh, yeah.

1406
01:18:01,970 --> 01:18:05,540
I've met her a few times now and then.

1407
01:18:05,540 --> 01:18:08,770
And can you tell us what
happened the last time you met,

1408
01:18:08,770 --> 01:18:10,550
huh?

1409
01:18:10,550 --> 01:18:11,440
Yeah.

1410
01:18:11,440 --> 01:18:16,010
We had lunch and cocktails and a
sidewalk cafe a couple of weeks

1411
01:18:16,010 --> 01:18:17,060
ago.

1412
01:18:17,060 --> 01:18:19,960
Well, Carol, I think I do know a few people

1413
01:18:19,960 --> 01:18:23,960
who'd be interested in what
your hero has to offer.

1414
01:18:23,960 --> 01:18:26,830
I love you.

1415
01:18:26,830 --> 01:18:30,340
You've always come through
for me in every way.

1416
01:18:30,340 --> 01:18:32,680
After all, what are older brothers for?

1417
01:18:32,680 --> 01:18:35,040
Besides, it's not just for you.

1418
01:18:35,040 --> 01:18:37,840
I've always wanted to invest
in an egg inducing machine.

1419
01:18:40,570 --> 01:18:42,450
I hope this guy is worth all this trouble.

1420
01:18:42,450 --> 01:18:43,250
He is.

1421
01:18:43,250 --> 01:18:44,970
He's a genius.

1422
01:18:44,970 --> 01:18:48,120
And that jerk that he works
for doesn't recognize that.

1423
01:18:48,120 --> 01:18:50,720
But now with this money,
he can do it on his own.

1424
01:18:50,720 --> 01:18:52,040
OK, you've sold me.

1425
01:18:52,040 --> 01:18:53,670
It's a deal.

1426
01:18:53,670 --> 01:18:56,460
I had no idea.

1427
01:18:56,460 --> 01:18:58,560
GABRIEL: The witness may step down.

1428
01:18:58,560 --> 01:18:59,490
Why, thank you.

1429
01:18:59,490 --> 01:19:00,340
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

1430
01:19:00,340 --> 01:19:03,170
The prosecution may sum up now.

1431
01:19:08,640 --> 01:19:12,610
J'accuse, Bill Andrews and Carol Griffiths,

1432
01:19:12,610 --> 01:19:15,320
of murdering your love.

1433
01:19:22,250 --> 01:19:24,650
The prosecution rests.

1434
01:19:24,650 --> 01:19:25,750
[SNORING]

1435
01:19:26,550 --> 01:19:29,380
Thank you, Mister Bonaparte.

1436
01:19:29,380 --> 01:19:31,940
Has the jury reached a verdict?

1437
01:19:31,940 --> 01:19:33,770
Guilty.

1438
01:19:33,770 --> 01:19:35,580
Very well.

1439
01:19:35,580 --> 01:19:39,700
Bill Andrews, Carol Griffiths-- [BELCH]--

1440
01:19:39,700 --> 01:19:45,120
the ladies and gentlemen of the
jury have found you guilty.

1441
01:19:45,120 --> 01:19:46,120
Guilty.

1442
01:19:46,120 --> 01:19:47,720
-Guilty. -Guilty.

1443
01:19:47,720 --> 01:19:48,600
Guilty.

1444
01:19:48,600 --> 01:19:49,590
Guilty.

1445
01:19:49,590 --> 01:19:51,090
ALL: Guilty!

1446
01:19:51,090 --> 01:19:53,070
Guilty!

1447
01:19:53,070 --> 01:19:54,560
Guilty!

1448
01:19:54,560 --> 01:19:56,060
Guilty!

1449
01:19:56,060 --> 01:19:57,550
Guilty!

1450
01:19:57,550 --> 01:19:58,540
Guilty!

1451
01:19:58,540 --> 01:19:59,530
No!

1452
01:19:59,530 --> 01:20:01,220
No!

1453
01:20:01,220 --> 01:20:02,020
Bill!

1454
01:20:02,020 --> 01:20:03,510
Bill!

1455
01:20:03,510 --> 01:20:07,980
I love you, Carol!

1456
01:20:07,980 --> 01:20:09,470
I love you, Bill!

1457
01:20:16,430 --> 01:20:18,420
Carol.

1458
01:20:18,420 --> 01:20:21,600
Oh, Carol.

1459
01:20:21,600 --> 01:20:22,400
Oh.

1460
01:20:28,040 --> 01:20:28,850
No.

1461
01:20:28,850 --> 01:20:29,840
No!

1462
01:20:29,840 --> 01:20:31,320
Carol!

1463
01:20:31,320 --> 01:20:32,810
Bill!

1464
01:20:32,810 --> 01:20:34,290
Carol!

1465
01:20:34,290 --> 01:20:36,260
Bill!

1466
01:20:36,260 --> 01:20:38,240
Carol!

1467
01:20:38,240 --> 01:20:39,230
Bill!

1468
01:20:39,230 --> 01:20:40,710
Carol, Carol!

1469
01:20:52,570 --> 01:20:54,050
I missed you so!

1470
01:20:57,010 --> 01:21:01,040
Oh, Carol, Carol, my darling,
how can I ever ask you to take

1471
01:21:01,040 --> 01:21:02,220
me back after all I've done?

1472
01:21:02,220 --> 01:21:03,820
Ask me to take you back?

1473
01:21:03,820 --> 01:21:05,490
It was all my fault, my darling.

1474
01:21:05,490 --> 01:21:06,290
No.

1475
01:21:06,290 --> 01:21:07,610
No, it was my fault.

1476
01:21:07,610 --> 01:21:09,340
Oh, darling, you're so
sweet, but you're wrong.

1477
01:21:09,340 --> 01:21:10,710
It was my fault.

1478
01:21:10,710 --> 01:21:11,540
No, no.

1479
01:21:11,540 --> 01:21:12,800
It was my fault.

1480
01:21:12,800 --> 01:21:15,250
Oh, sweetheart, don't you remember?

1481
01:21:15,250 --> 01:21:16,860
I was the one who was wrong.

1482
01:21:16,860 --> 01:21:18,790
No, no--

1483
01:21:18,790 --> 01:21:20,780
[LAUGHING]

1484
01:21:22,780 --> 01:21:24,280
GABRIEL: Oh, I got 'em!

1485
01:21:24,280 --> 01:21:25,770
I got my wings!

1486
01:21:25,770 --> 01:21:27,270
I got my wings-- hey, kids!

1487
01:21:32,760 --> 01:21:35,250
They're back, back-- oh,
they're back together.

1488
01:21:35,250 --> 01:21:36,750
Oh, thank you, thank you.

1489
01:21:36,750 --> 01:21:39,250
Oh, I can fly!

1490
01:21:39,250 --> 01:21:42,740
[MUSIC - "LOVE WILL KEEP US TOGETHER"]

1491
01:21:44,240 --> 01:21:45,730
These things don't work.

1492
01:21:45,730 --> 01:21:46,730
They don't work.

1493
01:21:46,730 --> 01:21:48,730
oh, yes, they do!

1494
01:21:48,730 --> 01:21:52,220
Oh, yippie, yippie!

1495
01:21:52,220 --> 01:21:53,220
Goodbye!

1496
01:21:53,220 --> 01:21:54,220
Goodbye!

1497
01:21:54,220 --> 01:21:56,210
Goodbye!

1498
01:21:56,210 --> 01:21:58,210
Dreams are made of such stuff.

1499
01:22:09,190 --> 01:22:12,460
NARRATOR: So Bill and Carol were reunited,

1500
01:22:12,460 --> 01:22:16,140
thanks to the help of Judge
Gabriel, their guardian angel.

1501
01:22:16,140 --> 01:22:18,880
They soon got married.

1502
01:22:18,880 --> 01:22:22,330
It was a beautiful ceremony.

1503
01:22:22,330 --> 01:22:25,040
And they finally did learn to live

1504
01:22:25,040 --> 01:22:27,760
with each other's little idiosyncrasies.

1505
01:22:34,170 --> 01:22:38,340
[MUSIC - "GHETTO RAP"]